Because I Love Him
by Olivia Sutton
Summary: Snapshots Universe, age 32. When the victim of a hate crime and gay bashing is Jeff Randall, Marty Hopkirk is willing to do anything to put his partner back together, physically, and mentally. To what lengths will Marty ultimately go for his partner?
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Because I Love Him

**Author**: Olivia Sutton

**Parts: 6**

**Fandom: **Randall and Hopkirk, Deceased, 2000 version

**Universe:** "Snapshots of a Love Afr Universe"

**Rating**: R

**Warning: ** This story includes m/m sexual activity, do not read if under 17. Thanks!

**Story type**: AU, Slash, Angst, Romance

**Disclaimer**_: This fanfic is written for fun, for the enjoyment of other fans, and for reviews, but never for profit, so please don't sue! Based on the new (2000-2001) version of _**Randall and Hopkirk (deceased)** _starring Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer, copyright to the BBC 2000-2001. (previous version copyrighted 1969 by ITC). This fanfic is _NOT_ meant to suggest anything about the sexuality of the actors who played the roles - that's their own business. _

**background**: _This story is set in my "Snapshots" universe and takes place between "Age 26" and "Age 38", AND Jeff and Marty are thirty-two years old. Because there are references to other events from "Snapshots of a Love Affair", I would like to suggest reading that first; however, if you do not-- the least you need to know is that Jeff and Marty are telepaths (with each other only), and that they have been committed partners for a very long time. Those are the basics for understanding the "Snapshots" universe._

**Author Note: **_Thanks and hugs to Jackie Cox, my faithful beta reader and friend, who edits wonderfully, makes terrific suggestions, smoothes over my rough patches, and provides incredible support for my writing and just in life, really. She also makes suggestions and corrects my medical stuff, brilliantly. Thanks Jackie, you are absolutely fantastic. Comments and reviews are always welcome!_

**Summary:** _Set in the Snapshots Universe, when Jeff and Marty are 32. When the victim of a hate crime and gay bashing is Jeff Randall, Marty Hopkirk is willing to do anything to put his partner back together, physically, and mentally. To what lengths will Marty ultimately go for his partner?_

**Because I Love Him**

**Olivia Sutton**

**Jeff and Marty are 32 - "Because I love him."**

Marty sat in the waiting area of London General Hospital, twisting a piece of newspaper to shreds, absent-mindedly, as he waited.

A female doctor approached him, "Mr. Hopkirk?"

Marty rose, "Yes? How's Jeff?"

The doctor looked at him, nervously, "We need to discuss that in private, sir."

Marty paled, "Is he all right?"

"He's... he will be, but we need to discuss his condition in private."

Marty looked at her, puzzled by her insistence, but nodded.

The doctor pointed down the hall and Marty followed her, obediently.

The doctor held open a door, and waited for Marty to enter the office, then shut the door.

"What is going on? What's happened to Jeff?"

The doctor moved behind her desk and sat down, "I suppose I should start by telling you, I'm Dr. Lillian Beckwith, I'm a psychologist."

"A shrink? Why did Jeff need... what happened? No one has told me, anything. God, he's not... is he gone? Have I lost him? He's my partner, what is going on? Everyone's been so weird."

"He's alive, and physically, the injuries weren't... well, he will survive them."

Marty's eyes widened, "For god's sake, tell me what happened to my partner. NOW!"

"First, I need to know EXACTLY what the nature of your relationship to Mr. Randall is - exactly. Business partners, friends, what? You have different last names, so you're not related, I assume."

Marty glared at her - "They've never asked either of us that at any other hospital, ever. And we've both had our scrapes. But to answer your question we're lovers, Doctor. We have been for sixteen years," Marty held up is hand, then pointed to his ring, "We've been committed partners for six years, now." Marty glared at the doctor then added, "We have sex regularly, you have some sort of problem with that?"

The doctor looked at Marty and nodded, "No, I don't have a problem with it. I needed to ask because, we... the hospital and the police, we suspect that Jeff Randall was the victim of a hate crime. So I needed to know."

"A... a hate crime? What the hell happened to him?"

"It's important for you to understand that the physical injuries will heal... I was brought in because his mind; well, that takes a bit longer."

Marty shivered, "Just tell me what happened."

The doctor took a deep breath, then said, "He was severely beaten. And raped."

"Oh, god. Not Jeff." Marty covered his eyes with his hand, then lowered his hand and said, "Give me the details... all of it."

The doctor nodded her head, briefly, then continued, "He was attacked by at least three men. One forced him into oral sex by holding his nose shut until he opened his mouth. And there was forced anal sex. He was victimised more than once. He remembers three assaults. There might have been more. He was severely beaten, as well."

"Oh, god... How severe are the injures?"

"Tears to his anus, and bruises. One of the bruises on the back of his hip bore a boot print - we've taken photographs. We have DNA samples from the attackers as well. Physically, he should recover in a few weeks, there's no broken bones, and no internal injuries. We did a through exam and checked everything. Physically, he will be all right."

Tears came to Marty's eyes, then he mumbled, "You keep saying, 'physically'?"

"His mind... sir, I'm sorry, but - he... he did talk when he was first brought in. One of the paramedics said he even described one of his attackers, and he described what happened to him, both to the first responders and to the emergency physician who first treated him."

"When he first came in? And now?"

"I couldn't get a word out of him, except your name - he kept calling for you."

Marty nodded again, "Let me see him. Please."

"Procedure in a case like this..."

"To HELL with your bloody PROCEDURE! You've kept me from Jeff for HOURS! I love him, and he needs me right now. You WILL LET ME SEE HIM!" Marty roared, then he added, "And for your information, Doctor, I do know what he's going through right now. I've known since I was fourteen, so take your prissy attitude and..." Marty began to shake with anger.

Dr. Beckwith stared at him, "What do you mean you've known since you were fourteen?"

Marty stared at her, "I don't believe this. I don't believe YOU. You've got to be the worst counsellor on the face of the planet, no wonder Jeff won't talk to you! Let me spell it out for you - I was raped when I was fourteen by me mum's boyfriend. And it does NOT matter right now. What matters is Jeff! Now, where the hell in this BLOODY hospital is he? Or do I search the place from top to bottom!"

Dr. Beckwith shook, frightened by Marty's anger and his speech, "I'll take you to him. Right now."

"THANK YOU!" Marty yelled back at her, then followed the doctor as she left the office.

* * *

Marty stood outside Jeff's hospital room, and took a deep breath, and then another. He closed his eyes a moment, steadying himself, then opened the door and entered Jeff's hospital room.

Jeff lay on the bed, facing away from the door, the blanket pulled up over his shoulders and to his chin.

Marty swallowed, then walked around the bed to Jeff's front. He saw Jeff's face and gasped, reaching for a chair he sat down quickly at Jeff's bedside. Jeff's eyes were closed, and he seemed almost asleep, his face was covered with bruises, both eyes, blackened, and his lips swollen and bruised. A cut marred one of Jeff's cheeks.

"Jesus, what did they do to you?" muttered Marty, then he instinctively put a hand towards Jeff, before forcing himself not to touch his lover, not yet. "Jeff? Jeff, wake-up, I'm here."

Jeff woke with a start - "Marty?" he murmured, quietly.

"I'm here, Jeff, I'm here."

Jeff began to cry.

Marty's heart broke at the sound and he uttered, "Can I... Jeff, can I touch you or not yet? It's okay to say no, Jeff. I will understand."

Jeff swallowed his tears, and then murmured, "You can touch me, Marty. If you want to, that is."

Marty moved his chair closer to the bed, and lightly touched his hand to Jeff's head, then stroked his hair, "Jeff, of course I want to touch you. But I... I remember... I could understand if you said no. But since you said, yes, this is all right, inn'it?"

"Marty, I'm hideous, right now. I'm dirty, and... ugly, hideous," Jeff stopped talking.

"No, you're not," Marty said gently, stroking Jeff's hair, then he moved his hand to Jeff's face, touching it lightly, before moving his hand to gently cup Jeff's jaw, "You're beautiful, Jeff. You are very beautiful. And I love you."

Jeff shuddered under Marty's touch, "Marty they... oh god," Jeff began to cry.

Marty nodded, his heart breaking a second time in as many minutes, "I know... a Doctor Beckwith told me what happened, about the attack, the assaults. Jeff, it's all right." Marty continued to stroke his lover's face, as he spoke softly and gently.

"It's...it's not. God, Marty how did you survive this?"

"I had help, Jeff. You remember - I had you and your mum, and..." Marty stopped, then continued, "And Beth and even Winters from geography. I was never alone, and you won't be... I'll get you all the help you need."

Jeff moved on the bed, rolling onto his back, then sitting up, using the headboard of the bed to support himself. He covered Marty's hand with his own. "I remember, Marty. I do. I remember helping you through it, but... I... They hurt me... they hurt me so much. I can still feel... god, Marty, do you understand? I can still feel THEM, in me. If I close my eyes, it's like I can see myself, lying there, being held down, and one of them slamming into me. Using me. HURTING me. And saying the dirtiest, nastiest, most horrible things." Jeff looked at Marty, his face white with shock.

Marty nodded, "Go on, Jeff. TALK to me... it does help."

Jeff nodded, then gripped Marty's hand tightly in his own. He reached out with his other hand, and Marty grasped it, then Jeff uttered, quietly, "I wanted to die, Marty. I... I wanted them to kill me. It hurt so much, and... I remember yelling out, "Do it... just kill me and be done with it," Jeff shuddered, gripping Marty's hands, "Marty..."

Marty slowly nodded his head, "I remember feeling like that, Jeff. I mean, I know we've never really talked about it, but I took me Dad's gun with the intention of using it to end the pain. I'm so sorry you went through this, Jeff. I would... I'd do anything for it to NOT have happened to you. But since it did - Jeff, I will be with you through everything. Every examination, every counseling session, court if that happens, the nightmares, flashbacks, and feeling like you want to die. I will be there through everything Jeff, I swear it! And I love you, Jeff - what they did to you doesn't matter, it does NOT change how I feel about you. I love you." Marty held Jeff's hands, tightly.

Jeff leaned towards Marty, then said, "Hold me. Please."

Marty got up and immediately took Jeff in his arms, Jeff moved over on the bed, and Marty sat on the edge of the bed, supporting Jeff's upper body on his own chest. Marty held him close, then lightly kissed the top of Jeff's head, his own tears fell into Jeff's hair, "I'm so sorry, Jeff. I'm so sorry, it happened to you."

Jeff nodded, leaning into Marty's chest. "Marty, I love you. I want you to know that."

"I know, Jeff."

"But I don't know how I'm going to live with this," Jeff added.

Marty held Jeff close to his own chest, then lightly kissed his hair again. "You will, Jeff. I know you feel like hell right now, but you will survive it," Marty held Jeff's shoulders, and looked him in the eyes, "You will!" then he pulled Jeff closer, stroking him, and holding him.

Jeff nodded, "I do feel safe in your arms, Marty."

"That's good, Jeff. I wish I could have protected you from this."

"Marty, can you... come closer to me, Marty. Here, in the bed, please."

Marty nodded, moving fully onto the bed, he held Jeff in his arms, soothing him. Then Marty asked quietly, "May I? Jeff, may I really kiss you, or not yet? You can say no."

Jeff nodded his head, turning to face Marty, "Yes."

Marty lightly put his hands to Jeff's face, trying not to put any pressure on the bruises, then gently kissed him. Jeff responded to the kiss, so Marty continued, deepening the kiss. Then Jeff suddenly pulled back.

Marty immediately stopped and pulled away, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's too much too soon, I'm so sorry, Jeff, I'd never hurt you, I'd never..."

"Shush, Marty, stop, stop it, stop..." Jeff urged as Marty continued to babble, "It's okay, it's okay... I... I had a feeling of... of claustrophobia, Marty... I'm sorry. I know you would not hurt me. I don't want to hurt you by saying no or stop."

Marty put his hands on Jeff's shoulders and looked deep in his eyes, "Jeff, you're going to have to tell me when to stop or to say no, or if you don't want me to touch you. You need to tell me, Jeff, and I will stop. And I understand, I do. I never, ever forgot what happened to me, I..." Marty stopped then said, "Jeff it doesn't hurt me if you say no; but don't EVER say 'yes' when you mean no. Do you understand me?"

Jeff nodded.

"Jeff, please. I want you to trust me. I need to trust you. I love you, ... if it scares you to be touched, or hurts you, or... or ANYTHING bothers you... you need to tell me."

Jeff nodded again, "I will, Marty. I will. It's just... I want you to... I wanted to be with you, but then I got... so scared. And I know you wouldn't hurt me."

"That's because of what happened, Jeff. The doctors will tell you... they will help you. Just KNOW that I love you, Jeff. What happened doesn't change that, it couldn't. I LOVE YOU."

Jeff nodded, pulling at the blanket. Marty grabbed the edge of the blanket and covered his lover. "Do you want me to move away, Jeff? Or may I still hold you?"

"Hold me," Jeff murmured, closing his eyes.

"Okay," answered Marty, and he held Jeff lightly, his own eyes closed, thinking quietly.

Jeff stirred in Marty's arms. Marty let go and started to move away.

"No, Marty. Stay. And hold me."

Marty nodded, then held Jeff again, leaning his chin on Jeff's shoulder. "Tell me if I'm making you in any way uncomfortable, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, "I will, Marty." Then he turned to look at his lover, "Marty, I knew them. Well, one of them, anyway."

"Who was it, Jeff?"

"Our... our neighbour. Across the street. Across from our new house. And the things they said... Marty, I told the paramedics, the doctor in casualty, and the police... they did this because we bought the house and they... god, Marty, they said they didn't want... they didn't want a pair of... oh, god," Jeff began to cry.

Marty nodded, "Dr. Beckwith told me that as well, Jeff. They said...Jeff, the hospital and the police are calling what happened to you a... a hate crime, Jeff. Didn't anyone tell you that?"

"No, no they didn't," Jeff cried harder. "All we did was buy a house... I don't understand."

"Shush, Jeff... Jeff , you weren't wrong. WE weren't wrong - THEY are the criminals, Jeff. They are the ones who... who hurt and hate and destroy others. NOT us." Marty kissed Jeff 's lips, "The hospital's informed the police. The ones who did this will be punished. But right now," Marty kissed Jeff, "right now, you need to think about yourself, and to get better, and to heal, Jeff."

"How do I heal from this?"

"I did, Jeff, you know that. You will. And I will be there through every step, Jeff. Every single step."

Jeff nodded, crying, "Hold me. Just hold me, please."

Marty nodded, holding Jeff, quietly. He closed his eyes, and simply held Jeff, as if he would never let him go.

* * *

Marty awoke to find a nurse looking down at him. He looked up at her, "Yes?"

"WHAT are you doing!"

Marty looked up at the nurse, "Jeff wanted me to hold him, he finally fell asleep and..."

Jeff stirred in Marty's arms, waking up.

"NOW look what you've done." Marty said to the nurse, then he lightly stroked Jeff's hair, "It's all right, Jeff, it's all right - go back to sleep."

Jeff looked at Marty, "Marty?"

Marty looked at Jeff, wanting very much to kiss him, but realising it would be a bad idea, he settled for holding Jeff instead, his chin on Jeff's shoulder, and said softly in Jeff's ear, "It's all right, Jeff, you're safe. You are safe, Jeff, please, go back to sleep, try at least." Marty, unable to resist some contact, very lightly kissed Jeff's hair.

The nurse looked from Marty to Jeff, "Sir, I'm sorry but you will have to leave." She looked at Marty, "I can see he wants you here, Mr. Hopkirk, but Mr. Randall needs his sleep, and visiting hours are long over."

Marty sat up further in the bed, soothing Jeff in his arms, "I have permission to be here."

The nurse nodded, "Yes, sir. You have permission to be here any time, visiting hours or no, Dr. Beckwith put the notation on Mr. Randall's chart, but you can **not** be in the bed with him. Mr. Randall is in a very vulnerable state, Mr. Hopkirk. He is susceptible to infection, and you are putting him in danger. It's in Mr. **Randall's** best interest. Please remove yourself from the bed."

Marty nodded, then attempted to slid out from under Jeff, who opened his eyes, moving on the bed so Marty could move away. Jeff reached for Marty as he left. Marty grasped his hand, and stood next to the bed.

Jeff looked up at Marty, "Don't leave me."

"Oh, god," mumbled Marty, looking at the nurse.

The nurse shook her head, "I'm sorry," she walked over to Jeff and addressed him, "Mr. Randall, you are in a delicate and vulnerable state. Even a small infection could be quite dangerous. Mr. Hopkirk may sit next to you if you wish, as long as he is not on or in your bed."

Jeff nodded, moving away so Marty could get up.

The nurse nodded, once Marty was out of the bed, then said, briskly, "Now, I will need to change your sheets, and Mr. Randall, you will need a new gown."

Jeff looked at her in surprise, then up at Marty, "Nurse, I don't know what you were told, but Marty and I are a couple. It's fine. I wanted to be close to him. I needed to be physically close to him after what happened."

The nurse shook her head, "It is nothing to do with your relationship. The policy is for your own good, Mr. Randall, to prevent you getting sick. Your body is very vulnerable to infection. Mr. Hopkirk needs to stay off your bed, and that is that. If he doesn't, he won't be allowed in the room at all."

Marty, standing next to Jeff's bed, looked at the nurse and said, "I didn't want to make him sick. I didn't. I was trying to comfort him," he held out a hand to Jeff, who grasped it, then said, "I'll sit here, quietly, next to Jeff. It's all right."

The nurse nodded, then Jeff nodded.

"Right," answered the nurse, clicking her tongue matter-of-factly, "Now, I'm going to get the new sheets and a new gown for you, Mr. Randall."

Jeff began to get out of the bed.

"You may as well wait until I return, Mr. Randall." She turned to Marty, "You don't need to leave the room, just yet, but it **is** my medical opinion that you should go home, Mr. Hopkirk."

Jeff looked at the nurse, "Nurse, I want Marty here. Don't make him leave, please. We ARE a couple, nurse, a committed couple, and..." Jeff shuddered, tightening his grip on Marty's hand, "I love him. I want him here, with me, comforting me."

Marty looked up, "I won't get on the bed again, nurse. I didn't realise..." he looked at Jeff again.

The nurse looked from one to the other, then said, "All right, all right, he can stay," then she continued, "I'm going to get the sheets, and to find Mr. Randall a new gown. Mr. Hopkirk, please, keep yourself on your chair." The nurse smiled at Marty, then said, "I can bring you a pillow and blanket if you like, the hospital can get a bit chilly at night."

Marty smiled, "That would be fine, nurse, thank you."

The nurse smiled back, "You're welcome. I'll leave you for now."

* * *

A few minutes later, the nurse returned, pushing a wheeled metal cart filled with linen. The cart had a frame towards the back with a white plastic bag stretched open within the frame. A shelf at the front of the cart held the linen and a fresh hospital gown. The nurse politely shooed Marty out of the room.

Jeff got out of the bed and made his way to one of the chairs in the room. Before he could sit down the nurse handed him a fresh gown and pointed towards a screen in the corner of the room. "Go ahead and change there, Mr. Randall."

Jeff nodded meekly, taking the gown from her and moving behind the screen. "You can call me Jeff, nurse, it's all right with me."

"And I'm Nurse Abigail Bennett, call me Abby," called back the nurse as she moved towards the bed, expertly pulling off the blankets, "All right, Jeff, Mr. Hopkirk seems like a nice bloke, have you been together long?"

Jeff nodded, then realised the nurse couldn't really see him, and answered back loudly, "Yah, a very long time. We've been together sixteen years. We had a formal commitment ceremony," he paused thinking, "God, it's been six years now."

The nurse had finished stripping off the old sheets, and began putting the new ones on the bed, "That's nice."

Jeff stepped out from behind the screen, clad in an identical gown, the old one in his hand, "Where should I?"

The nurse looked at him, "Just drop it in the skip bag," she said, pointing to the plastic bag on the cart, "I'll take care of it."

Jeff nodded, "So, have you been a nurse long?"

She finished with the bed, then gestured for Jeff to get back into it, "Yah, went straight to nursing school. I love it, honestly."

Jeff moved towards the bed, and nodded at her, "Could Marty come back in, please?"

The nurse nodded, and went to the door, opening it and calling Marty back in.

Marty quickly moved to the chair next to Jeff's bedside and sat, looking over at Jeff.

Jeff sat up in bed and smiled at him, "Marty, I'm all right now, really."

Marty shook his head, then stretched a bit in the hospital chair.

"I brought you some blankets and a pillow, if you wish to stay the rest of the night." said the nurse, offering the bedding to Marty.

Marty took the bedding, saying, "Thanks," then made himself comfortable in the chair.

The nurse bent down near him, "You should go home, get some rest."

Marty shook his head, settling down in the chair.

Jeff sighed and cuddled up under the blankets.

"All right, now, if you are quiet and you stay OFF the bed, you may stay the night, Mr. Hopkirk. Mr. Randall's chart has permission for you written on it.

Marty nodded, spreading the blanket over himself.

"Are you sure you want to stay, though? It's my medical opinion you should go home, get some rest, and come back in the morning. He might sleep better alone in the room," the nurse addressed Marty.

Marty shook his head, vehemently, "It has been a **very** long time since Jeff's been alone at night, nurse. WE are a COUPLE, and we work together, we almost never spend a night apart, there's no need."

The nurse nodded, "He told me how long you've been together. I must say, I was a bit surprised. It's all right for you to stay, Mr. Hopkirk, but it's still my opinion, that for your own health, you would be more comfortable at home, that's all."

Marty shook his head, and the nurse clucked her tongue, saying "All right, then," and left.

* * *

Jeff suddenly murmured in his sleep, "No, NO! For god's sake don't! Please!" then he screamed.

"Jeff?" Marty asked, moving towards his mate in the bed.

Jeff continued to toss and turn, in the bed, still asleep, and yelling.

Fear coursed through Marty as he looked at his partner, and he simultaneously pressed the call button near the bed, and lightly touched Jeff, trying to wake him up and bring him out of his panic.

Jeff struggled against Marty's touch on his arm. Marty pulled back.

Jeff awoke with a start, gasping for air, his eyes wide and terrified.

"Jeff? Jeff!" Marty yelled, noticing the expression of fear on Jeff's face. At that moment, a group of nurses and a doctor entered the room.

One of the nurses pulled Marty away from the bed, whilst the other medical personnel went to Jeff's bedside.

Marty struggled against the nurse who had pulled him away, trying to get back to Jeff.

The nurse held him firm. "Sir, sir, PLEASE -- We are trying to help him! WE will help him! Just calm down, sir!"

Marty started to relax and stopped struggling. "What's wrong? What's happened? He didn't recognise me!"

"We're trying to find out!"

At that, Marty calmed slightly, nodding quietly. The nurse let go of him, then returned to Jeff's bedside.

Meanwhile, Jeff had stopped gasping for air, and was breathing normally, but he was pale and shaky.

A male doctor approached him, and asked, "Are you all right, sir? Did you..." he reached forward, and Jeff screamed again, moving quickly to the far side of his small hospital bed.

"Don't hurt me!" Jeff yelled, then looked around, spotting Marty, he called out for him.

"I'm here, Jeff!" Marty answered, moving closer to the bed, but leaving space for the doctors and nurses.

Abby, Jeff's named nurse, moved to his side and addressed Jeff, "Jeff? Jeff, are you all right?"

Jeff started to nod, looking at her, "Yah... I... Marty? Marty!" he called out.

Marty went to Jeff's side then, but carefully avoided touching him. "Jeff?"

Abby looked at Jeff critically. He was still very pale, shaking slightly, and his eyes were wide open in fear.

Jeff reached out towards Marty, and Marty grabbed his hand, "I've got to get out of here, Marty! Please, get me out of here! They are HERE Marty! I saw them! They came after me again! Take me home!"

Marty looked at him, then at the doctor and nurses, very concerned for Jeff.

Meanwhile, the doctor had finished his conference with the nurses, and gestured towards Marty.

"I'm going to talk to your doctor, Jeff," Marty said to Jeff.

Jeff nodded, "Where are you going?"

Marty pointed towards the corner of the room, where the doctor stood, flanked by a pair of nurses.

Abby moved forward towards Jeff, "I'll be right here, and Marty will only be over there, Jeff, you are going to be all right."

Jeff nodded.

Marty made his way towards the doctor.

The doctor looked at Marty and said, "I believe we should give him some sedation, sir. He's very agitated. His screams woke up half the ward."

Marty nodded, "I agree but... Doctor, please, tell me he'll be all right? Why is he in such a panic?"

The doctor shook his head, "I can't tell you WHY he's so agitated, other than because he's been through traumatic events. I can tell you that such symptoms are both common, and they DO go away with time. The trauma is causing panic attacks. Sedation will help the panic to go away more quickly."

Marty nodded, "You have my permission. You have permission to do whatever is **best** for Jeff. But will he..." Marty glanced back at Jeff, who lay against the bed, his eyes open wide in fear, "Will he have more of these 'panic attacks' you called them? Is this just tonight, or..."

The doctor lightly touched Marty's arm in a comforting gesture, then pulled his hand back. "In all probability it is just tonight -- it's a one-time thing. His attack was less than 24 hours ago, and this is the most critical stage for his recovery."

Marty nodded, glancing back at Jeff again.

The doctor took a deep breath, then said, "IF the agitation continues for several days or weeks, we may need to consider additional psychological counseling or mild drugs. If it continues. But it is much, much too early to be concerned about that, sir."

Marty nodded, "Just take care of him. Do whatever is best for him."

The doctor picked up Jeff's medical chart, and scanned through it. There was an bright orange sticker on the chart noting that Jeff was allergic to Codeine. The doctor acknowledged this, then wrote down his own notes on the chart. He spoke to the nurses for a few minutes, then he left the room.

"Jeff, I'm going to get you something to help you relax, all right?" Abby said, then walked over to the nurses who stood by the chart the doctor had signed.

Jeff nodded, then looked around the room, until he saw Marty.

Marty moved to Jeff's bedside, sat next to him, and gripped his hand in support and comfort, and stayed with Jeff whilst the nurses, took care of the medication.

Nurse Burton had returned with a vial of medication. She read off the name of the medication, then handed it to Nurse Abby. Nurse Abby also read off the name of the medication to Nurse Burton, then opened a syringe packet, filled the syringe and walked over to Jeff.

Marty sat at Jeff's side. Jeff briefly glanced at Marty, then closed his eyes, trying to relax.

Nurse Abby moved towards the bed to speak to Jeff, "Jeff, listen. I'm going to give you a mild sedative injection. It will calm you down and help you sleep."

Jeff turned his head and looked at Marty, then looked at Abby again, and nodded.

Abby moved forward and injected the sedative into Jeff's thigh.

Marty held Jeff's hand, tightly, comforting him. He looked up at the nurse, his blue eyes filled with concern, "How long will it take to work?"

"Not very long, half an hour, maybe. He should sleep for four to six hours once it does start working."

Marty nodded, quietly, and sat next to Jeff's side, lightly holding his hand.

The nurse left Jeff's bedside. The doctor and other nurses had already left the room. Marty sat with Jeff, quietly, until he fell asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

**"Because I Love Him"  
by Olivia Sutton  
"Snapshots" Universe  
Part 2 of 6**

**Because I Love Him**

**by Olivia Sutton**

**Part 2 **

A few hours later, the nurse returned, opening the door, and walking to the side of Jeff's bed to check on him, looking at Marty, she said, quietly, "Mr. Hopkirk, maybe you should go home, rest, get some sleep of your own, then return in the morning."

Marty shook his head, "No! I won't leave him. I won't leave Jeff. I told you, I won't get on the bed again, I didn't know it was dangerous for Jeff, I only wanted..." Marty left off.

"I know, sir, I know you won't, now that you understand how important it is for Mr. Randall's health, but, perhaps, you'll sleep better at home," suggested the nurse.

Jeff woke up, and looked at the nurse, then at Marty. He was calm, and tired, not terrified and agitated as he had been the last time when he had woken from a nightmare.

"Jeff, are you all right?" asked Nurse Abby.

Jeff looked at her with a quizzical expression. "What do you mean 'are you all right'? I remember exactly why I am HERE, nurse."

The nurse nodded, "Do you remember waking up earlier this evening?"

Jeff looked at her his expression confused as he thought about that question.

Marty looked at Jeff, his blue eyes filled with concern and confusion, "Jeff, you had a violent nightmare earlier. Don't you remember that?"

Jeff shook his head, then his eyes began to widen in fear.

"Jeff, it's all right. It is perfectly **normal** that you don't remember. You were in a bit of an altered state, but it was temporary, and it's over. It's normal Jeff. And you are fine now."

Jeff looked at her, raising his eyebrow at her statement that he was fine, but then looked at Marty, "Was it bad, Marty?"

Marty looked off in the distance, then looked back at Jeff, "I was scared, Jeff. Very scared. But you're okay now, so stop worrying about it," he took his hand, and stroked Jeff's hair.

Jeff melted under Marty's touch, and settled back under the covers.

The nurse looked from one to the other, "Mr. Hopkirk - Mr. Randall here needs to rest."

Marty nodded, "I know, I'll be quiet, I only want to sit with him."

The nurse nodded, giving in. "I'd be happier if you went home and took some sleep yourself, Mr. Hopkirk. You really should leave, it's quite late, and... visiting hours are well over. Come on, now, go home."

Jeff nodded at what the nurse said, then looked at Marty. "You don't look comfortable in that chair, Marty. She's right, you know. I'll be fine, here."

Marty sighed, and smiled at Jeff, "If you are sure. You'll be all right, by yourself, Jeff?"

"I'll be fine, Marty," Jeff said, as he lay back down under the covers.

"Jeff, I suppose I should leave. And you should be sleeping, Jeff. Are you sure you'll be all right?"

Jeff nodded at Marty, and at the nurse, "I'm sure, Marty."

Marty, bent near Jeff, and softly touched Jeff's head, petting his hair, "Okay, then, Jeff. I'll be back tomorrow, to sit with you, but right now try to sleep."

Jeff nodded, smiling up at Marty, from the bed.

The nurse looked at the two of them, and smiled, "I'll just step outside for the moment, so you two can say goodnight in private." She turned on her heel and walked out of Jeff's room.

Marty smiled at Jeff, then said quietly, "The nurses and doctors will look after you, Jeff," Marty looked at Jeff, his eyes asking for permission, then he bent and kissed Jeff's forehead.

Jeff tilted his head back, and Marty took the hint, lightly kissing Jeff's lips, then deepening the kiss. Jeff responded, putting his arms around Marty. Marty answered by putting his own arm around Jeff, and kissing him.

Reluctantly, Marty pulled away, then said, "You need your sleep, Jeff. The hospital staff will look after you, and I'll be here tomorrow, I promise. Goodnight, Jeff."

Jeff smiled, settling in the bed, "Goodnight, Marty."

Marty pulled the blanket up, gently covering Jeff's shoulders, then he backed up, exiting the room. Marty went to a group of chairs outside Jeff's hospital room, and sat. Then he put his head in his hands.

The nurse sat next to him, "Could I call someone for you, sir?"

Marty shook his head, tiredly.

"I don't think you should be alone, sir," the nurse said, looking at him, "Are you sure? A relative, a friend? Someone to drive you home and stay with you?"

Marty shook his head again, dismissively.

The nurse rose from where she was sitting, shaking her head, unsure if she should simply leave, or if she should do something.

Then a ginger-haired doctor entered the hall near Jeff's room, she walked down the hall, then noticed Marty, and walked towards him. She reached Marty and the nurse, and said, "Marty?"

Marty looked up, "Gina?"

The nurse looked at Gina, "Dr. Smith? Do you know..." she gestured at Marty.

Gina nodded, "He's a friend. His partner and my husband went to uni together," Gina bent down to Marty, "Marty, What's wrong? What's happened?"

Marty looked up at her, and started to speak, then shook his head.

Gina looked at the nurse.

The nurse sighed then said, "His partner is Jeff Randall, isn't he? He's a patient," she gestured towards the closed door to Jeff's room.

Gina nodded, looked at the nurse, and said, "I know you can't give me details, but tell me, nurse, whatever's happened, is Jeff still alive? He's not... he's alive?"

The nurse nodded, "Yes. He is. But I shouldn't..."

Gina nodded, once, then gestured dismissively at the nurse, "I'll handle Marty, nurse."

"Mr. Hopkirk-- you may call the hospital any time you like, day or night, there is always someone here, and we will tell you Mr. Randall's condition, all right?"

Marty quietly nodded his understanding.

The nurse nodded, again, and walked away.

Gina sat next to Marty, and touched his arm, "Marty? Marty, what's happened?" she asked softly.

Marty gathered himself together, "Gina, Jeff was..." he shook his head, again, "Oh god, oh god," Marty shook, reaction catching up with him, then he swallowed, looked at her, and said, "He was raped, Gina. And, and, it was vicious. Nasty, violent and vicious. Those bastards attacked him..." Marty stood, angrily pacing in front of her, "The doctors told me that there were three of them. They attacked Jeff, beat him, raped him more than once. His doctor told me, they did it at least three times, maybe more, and then they left him for dead."

Gina paled, "Oh, god, Marty, I am so sorry."

Marty nodded, "He's... he's not reacting well, Gina. Well, he wouldn't, but he's... Gina..." Marty left off, tears coming to his eyes, "God, I could still lose him. I mean, they've told me that physically, he'll be all right, but he's..."

Gina nodded again, went to Marty, and hugged him tight, whilst he cried. When Marty pulled out of the embrace, Gina stepped back, letting him go, "Marty, let me phone Bill. You can stay with us. As long as you need to, Marty."

Marty shook his head, saw Gina's no-nonsense expression, then nodded, "Yah, I..." He pulled himself together, moving further away, and said, "I don't want to be alone. Not right now. Thanks, Gina."

Gina nodded, "Of course, Marty. Of course." She lightly touched his arm, and led him back to the chairs near Jeff's hospital room door, "I can't use a mobile in the hospital, so I'm going to the nurse's station to call Bill," she pointed, "I'll be right back and... Marty, I'm on duty. But I'll try to sit with you until Bill can get here, all right?" She touched his shoulder as he sat.

Marty nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine, Gina." He looked at her, then said, "If you need to work, go ahead. I'll be fine. But thanks for letting me stay at your place, Gina. I really do appreciate it."

Gina nodded, and left.

* * *

Bill arrived at the hospital, found Marty, who was still sitting next to Gina. Gina explained in more detail what had happened to Jeff, and then Bill drove Marty to his house to get an overnight bag, clothes and toiletries before taking him to his own house near the hospital. He settled Marty into the spare bedroom, then returned to bed himself.

"No! No, don't, don't hurt him!" Marty woke with a start, flipped on a light and looked around the strange room in confusion. Then he remembered where he was, and relaxed against the pillows. He was alone, of course, Jeff was in hospital and he was staying with their friends, Bill and Gina. Marty rubbed his hands over his face and slid his legs over to the side of the bed, then reached for his dressing gown, and walked down to the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen, flipped on a light, then walked to the fridge and opened the door. Marty stared into the fridge, but he wasn't seeing the contents, rather he remembered Jeff's battered face at the hospital earlier that night.

"I don't think anything new will appear, no matter how hard you stare, Marty."

Marty jumped, then spun around, "Oh, sorry, Bill, I was just..."

Bill nodded and moved towards Marty, lightly placing a hand on his arm and guiding him to a chair at the kitchen table. He shut the fridge door, "I'll get you something to drink, Marty."

"Don't go to any trouble, Bill," Marty answered.

Bill shook his head, "If it were Gina, I'd be upset too, Marty. Please, let me get you a drink. Whiskey, gin or vodka?"

Marty looked up at Bill, and nodded in agreement, then muttered, "Gin."

As Bill passed him to leave the kitchen, Marty answered, "Thanks."

Bill nodded.

A few moments later, Bill returned with two glasses, he slid the glass with the clear liquid to Marty, then took a sip of his own whiskey. And waited.

Marty took a sip of the gin, then another, then looking down at his glass he said, "Do you know how long I've known Jeff, Bill?"

"Well, you two were already together when Jeff introduced me to you whilst we were at uni. I still remember that evening."

Marty nodded, smiling a tiny smile as he remembered as well, then he sighed and stretched, "I've known him since we were eleven. We met at school."

Bill raised an eyebrow.

"We were** mates**, Bill," Marty said tightly, "We'd both already lost our fathers, and we became mates."

Bill nodded.

Marty got up, the drink in his hand and turned away, then he turned back and said, "We've been intimate since we were sixteen. I'm the only person that Jeff has ever been with. And he's the only one that... that I've ever wanted to be with. My other experiences..." Marty left off, then sat again, and looked at the glass in his hand, "I love him, is that so wrong?"

Bill shook his head, "No, it isn't. The way you two look at each other... it's obvious you deeply love each other, Marty. Even a fool could see it."

"They beat him, Bill. They beat him **because** we love each other. I don't understand how anyone could do that," Marty's voice broke and tears came to his eyes, then he said, "And he's so...vulnerable, Bill," he added quietly, closing his eyes. Then Marty hit the table with his fist, the glasses jumped, sloshing liquid onto the table, then his voice rose, "I wish it had been me. I've been through it before, I could handle it. Jeff... he's already said he isn't sure... he doesn't know... oh," Marty left off, still sat in the chair, and began crying.

Bill went to Marty then, walking around the table to place a steadying hand on Marty's shoulder, whilst standing next to him, "He'll be all right, Marty. He will. He needs **your** strength right now," He tapped Marty's shoulder, reassuringly, then pulled his hand away.

Marty nodded, then wiped his eyes, "Sorry about the mess on the table."

Bill shook his head, no, then walked to the oven, took a cloth that hung on the door, and returned to wipe down the table, "It's just a little spill, Marty, it's all right."

Marty nodded, then reached for his gin and downed it in a quick gulp.

"You want another, Marty?"

Marty nodded, "I shouldn't. Jeff hates it when I drink too much, but... yah, I need one, Bill."

Bill nodded, taking the glasses and left the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with a tray, the two glasses and two decanters.

Marty looked at the drinks service and smiled, then said, "You don't need to get so fancy."

Bill poured the gin into Marty's glass and answered, "Well, Gina always says, we have all this stuff from our wedding, may as well use it."

Marty looked off into the distance.

"Gods, sorry Marty. I didn't mean...since... I know you and Jeff can't have a wedding, I..."

Marty shook his head, "No, it's all right, Bill." Then he touched his ring, "We've had our commitment ceremony, it's all right."

They sat in silence for a moment, then Bill said quietly, "Marty, what did you mean?"

Marty gave Bill a blank look, "What do you mean, 'what do I mean?' "

Bill took a deep breath and answered, "You said, **you'd **been through it before?"

Marty sat straight up, suddenly, then relaxed and said too casually, "Sorry, you don't know about that, do you?"

Looking concerned, Bill answered, "Know about **what**, Marty?"

Marty took a deep breath, "That I was raped when I was fourteen. Bill, it's all right, it was a long time ago," he said, adding the last part quickly.

Bill looked at Marty, shocked, "No, I... I didn't know. What happened?" He paled, then said, "If you'd rather not talk about it?"

Marty closed his eyes, "Me mum's boyfriend... he abused me, Bill. Molested me, sexually. It went on for months. One day, he... he did it." Marty got up, turning away from Bill, and looked off in the distance, "I... Bill, I was gonna kill myself after it happened. I didn't, because of Jeff. He just appeared, out of nowhere. He found me with me dad's old police revolver in my hand and stopped me. It was yet another thing, that... that cemented our relationship, Bill. I've owed him my life since that night."

Bill nodded, "I am so sorry, Marty."

"It was a long time ago. But I still have scars. And now, now Jeff's going through..." Marty turned, tears running down his face again, "I don't know what to do!"

"Just be there for him, Marty. It's all you can do." Bill paused, then said, quietly, "If something like that **had **happened to Gina, that is all I'd be able to do, just be there for her."

Marty sat down at the table, then looked up, with a slightly shocked expression on his face, wondering exactly what Bill's comment meant.

Bill noticed Marty's shocked expression and said, "I was only speaking hypothetically, Marty."

Marty nodded, understandingly, then finished his glass of gin.

Bill leaned forward, then poured more gin into Marty's empty glass. "Do you want to phone the hospital? Check on Jeff? It might make you feel a bit better, wouldn't it?"

Marty looked at Bill, nodded, then said, "Yah, I would. I mean, I know he's safe in hospital, but..." He left off again.

"There's a phone in my study," Bill stood up and showed Marty to the phone, Marty followed him, and made his call, whilst Bill waited outside the study giving Marty his privacy.

"How is he?" Bill asked, once Marty, returned from his call.

"Sleeping peacefully, they said," Marty answered.

"Are you all right?" Bill asked.

Marty nodded, "Yah. Well, I'm better than I was." He moved forward and grasped Bill's hands, lightly, "Thank you for being here. For being so supportive, Bill." Marty let go.

"Well, of course, Marty. Honestly, it's not a problem. What happened to Jeff angers me too. And I'm concerned for **both** of you."

Marty nodded, "Well, I appreciate it, anyway. Not everyone is supportive, which is how it happened in the first place, I suppose. But you and Gina, Jeff's mum, everyone at the hospital... it just..." tears welled in Marty's eyes.

"Marty, do you want another drink? I mean, it doesn't really help, but... you seem wound-up."

Marty nodded, and they returned to the kitchen, and sat down.

Bill poured a measure of gin into Marty's glass and whiskey into his own.

Marty sat quietly, sipping his gin.

Bill picked up his own whiskey, and took a swallow, thinking quietly.

They sat, together, in the kitchen, each alone with his own thoughts, slowly getting a bit plastered, but in the companionable silence of good friends.

* * *

**A few weeks later**

Jeff sat in an wing-backed armchair, curled up, his knees drawn up to his chest, staring out the window, in the home he shared with Marty. It was a dark grey day, and raining. Jeff continued to stare out the window, his chin on his knees.

Marty walked into the room and went to Jeff, pausing next to him for a second, then lightly brushing his shoulder.

Jeff jumped, then turned and looked at Marty. "Oh, hi there, Marty."

Marty nodded, standing behind Jeff, then gently lay his hands on Jeff's shoulders, when there was no protest from Jeff, he left his hands there, _Jeff, are you all right?_

Jeff nodded, "I suppose so," he answered, flatly.

Marty let go, and moved around, leaning on the window sill, and facing Jeff, "Jeff, talk to me."

Jeff put his knees down, and relaxed a bit, "I'm fine, Marty."

"Jeff - you don't look fine. Please talk to me."

"No, it's just... I keep remembering what happened, that's all. I keep remembering being grabbed, and hauled into those bushes," Jeff pointed towards a couple of bushes near the driveway, "Then I remember what... what happened to me, Marty."

Marty nodded, and very cautiously he leant forward and gently touched Jeff's shoulder, watching Jeff's face for any negative reaction, Marty lightly continued to touch Jeff's shoulder, "Jeff, that is only natural. You know that. I... I do understand."

Jeff nodded, "You still have nightmares, don't you?"

Marty sighed, "Yah, I do, but..." He knelt then put both hands on Jeff's shoulders, "I've learnt to cope, Jeff. And having you here, with me, has always been an important part of that."

Jeff slid off the chair and into Marty's arms. Marty hugged him and Jeff returned the hug, "It feels like... Marty, it feels like I'll never, ever be the same again. And I'm... I'm so unhappy, Marty."

Marty rubbed his partner's back, holding him tight, "Jeff, ... I'm not going to say you will be the same, because you probably won't. BUT you can survive, Jeff. They didn't kill you, and you will survive this. Please. I need you to... to be all right. You need to start..."

"Start what, Marty?" Jeff pulled out of the hug, looking at him, though they both were still touching each other. "Start what?"

"To start living again, Jeff. Get out of the house, maybe even come back to work with me. Jeff, it's been a fortnight, since you left hospital. I know what happened was horrible, and I understand how scared you are, I really do, but I hate seeing you sitting in the house, day after day, afraid to walk out our front door."

"I have every reason to be afraid, Marty."

"I know, I know... but this isn't helping. It's only... it will make you MORE depressed, Jeff. Why don't we..." Marty paused, searching for an idea, "Go see your mum? That shouldn't be too stressful."

"Stressful?"

Marty groaned, "I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. It's just... I know being in a crowd, such as at a cinema, can be difficult. But your mum... I love your mum, Jeff, she raised me, and... it will be good for both of us to see her, again."

Jeff nodded, then moved towards Marty. Marty held him close.

Jeff answered, "Yah, I could do with seeing me mum, Marty. I could."

"Okay, Jeff, okay. I'll phone her, hum?" Marty held Jeff close, rubbing his back, and lightly touching Jeff's hair, as Jeff melted into his arms. "Jeff, it does get better, it does, with time." Marty lightly kissed Jeff's head, and held him tight.

* * *

The door opened at the small semi-detached house in the northern English town where Jeff and Marty grew-up, Marty smiled as he saw Anna Randall in the doorway, "Hello, mum," he said, as he reached towards her and kissed her cheek.

Anna smiled, giving Marty a quick hug, "Hello, Marty," she poked her head out, looking out from the porch, "Where's Jeff?"

"He's getting the bags, I offered, but... you know Jeff. We might want to stay a few days, Mrs. Randall-mum."

"That's fine, I expected that you'd be stopping. Well, come in." Anna stepped back.

"I'm going to see what's keeping Jeff," Marty said, instead, turning and walking towards his car.

Anna walked out to the edge of the porch and poked her head through the door, watching Marty. Jeff stood at the boot to Marty's car, and Marty was talking to him, then he took the bags from Jeff, and slammed shut the car boot. Marty lightly pushed Jeff who then walked up the gravel path, through the garden to the front door. Seeing Anna, Jeff put his arms around her, then lightly kissed her cheek, "Hullo, mum," he said.

Anna smiled, and hugged Jeff, then looked at him, startled, as he shrank away from her touch. Anna let go, "Well, come in then."

Jeff nodded and walked into his childhood home. Marty had reached the doorway into the house. Anna nodded towards Jeff, who was now in the house, then looked at Marty, questioningly. Marty shook his head. Anna ushered him in, then shut the door.

Anna took a sip of her white wine, then asked, "So, how is the business going?"

Jeff looked up and answered, "Quite well, actually."

Anna nodded, then looked at Marty, "It's not dangerous, at'all, is it?"

Jeff looked up, then poked at his food, before taking a small bite.

Marty shook his head, "No, but it gets boring sometimes. But we're pulling in enough business now," he glanced at Jeff, then added, "Well, to stay **in** business, Mrs. Randall-Mum. But most of the work is still keeping tabs on errant husbands, or wives."

Anna nodded.

Jeff looked down, avoiding his mother's eyes, pushing around the minced beef and potatoes of his mother's homemade Shepard's Pie on his dinner plate.

Anna looked at Jeff, "Jeff, what's wrong? It's your favourite."

Jeff looked at his plate, then at his mum, and quickly took a bite, then said, "Nothing's wrong, I'm just not that hungry. It was a long drive."

Anna looked at Jeff, puzzled, then at Marty, "Marty, has something happened? Is something wrong?"

Marty looked at Anna, then at Jeff, and then down at his plate, and took another bite of his food.

Anna looked at him, "Marty, you're not a teenager anymore. Jeff? Will one of you talk to me?"

Jeff looked at his mum, then at Marty, then pushed his chair back, "May I be excused, please?"

Anna looked at Jeff, in shock, "I suppose so. Jeff, your room is ready, I put fresh sheets on the bed. But I wish you would talk to me. One of you. Please."

Jeff got up, went to Marty, and put his hand on Marty's shoulder.

_Marty, I... I can't tell her. I can't bear it._

_But, Jeff, I think we do need to let her know about what happened to you._

_I know, Marty, I know. But I... can't. Will you tell her, please?_

_Yah, of course..._ Marty searched his partners eyes, probing his feelings.

Jeff answered with his own feelings of trust, then,_ I don't want to be here when you tell her. I can't face seeing her eyes. But she needs to know. I'll make my excuses, and wait upstairs, all right?_

_Yah, all right, Jeff._ Marty turned, took Jeff in his arms, and lightly kissed him, then said, aloud, "It's all right, Jeff, I know you don't feel well. Go ahead and lie down."

Jeff nodded, looked at his mum, and said, "He's right, I really don't feel well. And I need to lie down, at least for an hour or so. I'm sorry to ruin dinner, mum."

Anna looked at Jeff with concern, then nodded, "That's all right, Jeff. Don't worry about dinner. Go upstairs and rest."

Jeff left. Marty stood, taking his plate, and walking into the kitchen.

Anna followed him, catching him at the sink, she put a hand on Marty's arm, "All right, what is Jeff on about? What's wrong? Something has happened, hasn't it?"

Marty nodded, his expression grim, then tears came into his eyes.

"He asked you to tell me, didn't he?" said Anna, "When he touched you, the two of you were thinking to each other, and Jeff asked you to tell me."

Marty nodded again, "Yeah, he did. He couldn't... Jeff couldn't tell you himself, but he knows you need to know. So he wanted me to be the one to tell you."

Anna paled, then touched Marty's arm, "Is he... is Jeff ill?" She looked at Marty, "Oh, god, he's dying, isn't he?"

Marty shook his head, "No. That's not..." Marty paused.

Anna looked towards the empty dining room, then at Marty, "Is it you? Are you ill, Marty, and Jeff can't bear to tell me?"

Marty shook his head, silently.

"Oh, no... Are you two breaking up?"

"NO! No, we aren't. If we were, that might be easier, than... But I love him, Mrs. Randall-mum, I love him, and he loves me."

"You're not dying, you're not breaking up. For god's sake, Marty, What is it?"

Marty closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then another, then opened his eyes, looked at Anna, and said, "There's no easy way to say it, Mrs. Randall-mum, so I'll just say it, okay? Jeff was raped."

"What? Oh, god, oh my god," Anna stumbled.

Marty grabbed her, holding her upright, then helped her over to a chair. Anna sat, tears rolling down her face, "What happened? God... I don't understand."

Marty knelt next to her, one hand on her arm, the other around her back, then he said, quietly, "It was... violent and vicious. Three men attacked him, brutalised him, raped him more than once, and beat him nearly to death."

"Oh god, oh my god," Anna cried. "Not my baby!"

Marty nodded, "Yah, he..." Tears came to his eyes, as he knelt next to Anna, in the kitchen, and everything came pouring out of him. With tears rolling down his own face, he told her everything, describing how Jeff had been attacked three weeks prior, and his own fears and feelings when he'd received the call and then had gone to see Jeff at the hospital. Marty placed a hand on Anna's arm, "The police are still investigating. Jeff's identified one of his attackers by name. Hopefully, the men that did this will be caught, mum."

Anna looked up at Marty, "It was because of the business, wasn't it? Some angry husband getting back at you two?"

Marty shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No, it had nothing to do with the business, nothing to do with Jeff and I being detectives, mum."

Anna paled, "Oh god, oh my god, it was because of your relationship, wasn't it?"

Marty nodded, crying, "Yeah. Because Jeff and I love each other. And because we bought a house in a nice area, where the locals didn't want '_a couple of queers_' on their street. The police ARE calling it a hate crime. If they catch the bastards, there's a stiff penalty. But god, why'd they have to hurt Jeff? I would have rather it was me. I wish I'd been there to protect him."

Anna looked at Marty, "It wasn't your fault."

"They waited until he was alone..."

Anna turned in her chair, took Marty in her arms, and whispered in his ear as she pet his hair, "It wasn't **your** fault. Jeff knows that. He couldn't blame you."

"Of course he doesn't. But he's... Mum, he's very depressed. It's why I brought him up here. I thought a change of scenery would help. And..." Marty stopped, "No, I can't..."

Anna touched Marty's face, "What else?"

Marty took a deep breath, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Anna smiled through her tears, "You could never make me, uncomfortable, Marty. I **know** you love each other, and Marty... I remember **how** I found out you were **in** love with each other. It's okay."

Marty nodded, "We can't... Jeff can't..." Marty paused, "I love him. And I know it's temporary, because he was hurt so badly. I understand, I truly do. If anyone could - it's me. But we're not... intimate, now. Because of what happened to him."

Anna nodded. "And you want to be?"

"HE wants to be. He wants to, and he can't. It's tearing him apart, and I'm afraid... Mrs. Randall-Mum, I am so afraid of what he'll do."

Anna paled again, "You don't think? Marty, he's not suicidal, is he? Not my son."

Marty shook his head, "I don't think he'd take it that far. Not without speaking to me. And I'd stop him if he was. But he is so depressed."

Anna nodded, then took Marty into her arms, holding him tight, petting his hair. Marty melted in her arms, enjoying the comfort she offered. After a minute she let go, "He'll be all right, Marty. He will. But I'm glad you brought him home."

Marty broke out of her arms, and stood, "I didn't know what else to do."

Anna stood as well, wiping away her tears with her hand, "You did the right thing, Marty."

* * *

A loud shout came from upstairs, Marty looked at Anna, then ran up the stairs to the bedroom he and Jeff had shared as boys. The bedroom door was shut. Marty opened it, rushing into the room.

Jeff sat up in the centre of a four poster full bed. Marty looked around the room in surprise. The old twin beds were gone, replaced by a new four-poster, but everything else was the same, Jeff sat up in bed, his face white, desperately trying to control his breathing as he wheezed uncontrollably.

Marty went to him, "Jeff?" At that moment, Anna reached the open door, and watched as Marty went to Jeff.

Marty very lightly touched Jeff's arm, "Jeff? It's me. I'm here."

Jeff shook, controlling his breathing, then whimpered, "Marty?"

Marty sat on the bed, gently taking Jeff in his arms, and held him, stroking his back, "Jeff? What happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

Jeff moved closer to Marty, nodding his head, "Yah, I... they came after me, Marty, they came after me, grabbed me..."

Anna gasped in horror in the doorway, then felt along the wall and leant against it to support herself.

Marty nodded, rubbing Jeff's back. "It's okay, you're safe, Jeff, you're safe. No one can hurt you here, I promise."

Jeff moved back from Marty, and he let go, then Jeff looked into Marty's eyes, "I didn't know where I was. I woke up and I didn't know where I was, then I screamed."

Marty nodded, looking into Jeff's eyes, "You're at your mum's house, Jeff. It's okay."

Jeff nodded, "I know... I... I realised that after I screamed. I suppose I woke up, then." Jeff pulled Marty closer, holding him tight. "Oh, god, Marty. I was so scared, though. Terrified."

Marty held Jeff, rubbing his back, then kissed his temple, "It's okay. You're okay, Jeff."

Anna approached the bed then, moving to the side opposite Marty, she sat on the bed and looked at Jeff, "Jeff, I am so sorry, so, so sorry. God, Jeff, I... I can't imagine, what..." tears slipped from her eyes.

Jeff moved back, looking at his mum, then at Marty, "You told her, then?"

Marty nodded, "You asked me to, remember?"

Jeff nodded, then he reached out towards his mum, "Mum, I'll be all right. I will."

Marty smiled at that.

Anna held back her tears, trying to stop crying. Jeff scooted along the bed, briefly hugged his mum, then moved back. Anna looked at him, then got off the bed.

Marty remained on the bed, his hand lightly on Jeff's arm, "Jeff, it's not that late, only seven..."

"Thirty, nearly eight in the evening," Anna added.

Marty looked at her, gratefully, "Yah, so, why don't you get up? We can go downstairs for a few hours. It's too early for you to be sleeping, anyway." Marty moved off the bed, lightly pulling Jeff's arm.

Jeff nodded, "Yah, that sounds good."

"Would you like something to eat, Jeff?" Anna asked, then paled, "Sorry, but... you didn't eat dinner, and..."

Jeff started to move off the bed, Marty gave him a hand. "No it's okay, I am a bit peckish. Mum, I..."

Anna looked at Jeff, then cautiously said, "Yes, Jeff?"

Jeff shook his head, then commented, "Nothing... I'm glad to be home, though."

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

**"Because I Love Him"**

**by Olivia Sutton**

**"Snapshots" Universe**

**Part 3 of 6**

Marty led the way downstairs, ushered Jeff into the lounge, then turned and looked at Anna, "Mum? Um, where do you expect **me** to sleep tonight?"

Jeff looked at Marty, surprised.

Anna looked at Jeff and then at Marty, "In your room, with Jeff, like always. Unless... well, with what you told me, unless that doesn't..." Anna paused, "We could suss something out."

Jeff looked at his mum, "One bed, mum?"

Anna answered, "Jeff, you and Marty are **married** now, well, for all intents and purposes you are, and... It was a long time ago, Jeff, but I loved your father. I couldn't imagine not having him at my side at night, until..." Anna swallowed, "I replaced the twin beds months ago. And I had planned on telling the two of you, I'd respect your privacy, as long as you were discrete." She sighed, then added, "Is it going to be a problem?"

Jeff looked at Marty, raising an eyebrow, "Why would it be? Mum, Marty and I **do** sleep in the same bed."

Anna looked between the two of them, then abruptly said, "You did say you were peckish? I'll get you something to eat, Jeff," then she bid a hasty retreat, heading for the kitchen.

Jeff watched her leave, then turned to Marty and said, "That was a little surreal, Marty, What did you tell her?"

"What you asked me to tell her, Jeff, I told her about your attack."

Jeff looked at Marty, noticing the look in his eyes, then said, "And what else? Marty - that was positively unreal, now what **else** did you tell her?"

Marty kicked a foot against the floor, looking down, contritely, then looked up at Jeff, "Well, I... I did mention that..."

Jeff looked at him, "Marty?" Jeff searched Marty's eyes, then said, "You told my MOTHER that I haven't had sex with you since I was attacked!"

"It slipped out. And all I said was that we weren't intimate, Jeff! I wouldn't be crass to your mum. And its not like she doesn't know about that side of our relationship. She's known about that since we were seventeen."

Jeff turned away, his shoulders shaking.

Marty moved forward, placing a hand on Jeff's shoulder, "Jeff, I'm sorry. I... I was telling her what happened, and... I told her a lot of what I was feeling, Jeff. I... I love you, and seeing you so hurt in hospital, it... it was painful for me. And knowing that it was my fault..."

Jeff turned around, "It wasn't **your** fault, Marty."

"I should have protected you."

Jeff shook his head, then touched Marty's face with his hand, "It **wasn't **your fault."

Tears slipped from Marty's eyes, and he answered, "It slipped out. I was talking to her, and... I've always been able to talk to your mum, Jeff. Since I was fourteen, and... It slipped out. Before I really realised what I'd said. I'm sorry, I..." Marty lightly touched Jeff's face, as they stood in the centre of the lounge.

Jeff pulled Marty into a tight embrace, stroking his back, with one hand, then Marty's hair with the other, "It's okay, Marty. I forget that what happened affects you as well." Jeff pulled back and kissed Marty's cheek, "It's all right. It might make things easier that she knows everything, anyway. I over-reacted. It... it bothers me, Marty, you know it bothers me that I can't..." Jeff stopped, took Marty's face in his hands and kissed him. Marty deepened the kiss, and Jeff went with it, thrusting his tongue into Marty's mouth, and flooding Marty with feelings of love. _Marty, I love you so much. I do want to be able to... to love you, Marty, physically._

_Jeff, that will come in time. I'm happy with..._ Marty took Jeff's head in his hands, running his fingers through Jeff's hair, and thrust his own tongue into Jeff's mouth, _I'm happy with what you can give me, Jeff. Don't pressure yourself. I understand what you've been through, I do._

There was a loud, clearing the throat type of noise, and Jeff and Marty pulled apart, turning to face Anna standing there, looking at them.

"Your food's ready, Jeff," she said, then she added, "Be discrete, all right, you two? Do or don't do as you like, but be discrete in front of me, eh? It's not that I don't approve, but..."

Jeff turned beetroot red, nodded, and walked past his mum towards the kitchen. Marty stood, shock still, then mumbled, "I'm sorry. Normally we wouldn't... Mrs. Randall-mum, that's about as intense as it gets between me and Jeff, at the moment, but I do love him, and nothing will ever change that."

Anna stepped forward, placed a hand on Marty's arm, then said, "Marty... I'm... I'm sorry I walked in on you two, but this is the lounge, I wasn't expecting... and after what you told me..."

Marty took her hands in his own, "Yah, well, Jeff was a bit angry about that, so, don't bring it up, all right?"

Anna nodded, "He'll be all right, won't he? I see what you mean about... about him being depressed, but he will be all right?"

Marty nodded, "I'm doing everything in my power to see that he will be all right." He hugged her quickly, then stepped around her and walked towards the kitchen.

Anna stood still a moment, tears in her eyes, then she pulled herself together and turned around, heading back to the kitchen.

* * *

Finally, late that night, Jeff and Marty went to their old bedroom in Jeff's mum's house, to sleep. Both changed into silk pyjamas, then slipped into bed.

Marty reached out in the bed, lightly touched the side of Jeff's face, and stroked his hair. "Jeff, I am sorry I upset you, today. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your mum. I just... I needed to talk to someone and she was there, and she listened, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, "I'm sorry I was angry, Marty. I shouldn't have been angry."

Marty nodded, and moved closer, "Come 'ere then, Jeff. Let me hold you."

Jeff nodded, moving into Marty's embrace, lying next to Marty, in the crook of Marty's arm.

Marty, on his side, held Jeff, his hand petting his hair. "It will be all right, Jeff, with time. It will. I know it."

Jeff nodded, "I hope so, Marty, I hope so." Jeff snuggled closer to Marty

Marty moved onto his back, pulling Jeff with him, allowing Jeff to lay his head on Marty's own shoulder. Marty kept an arm around Jeff, holding him, comforting him, and the two slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A week later, Jeff and Marty left Mrs. Randall's house and returned to their own house in London. Marty kept a close eye on Jeff. Jeff wasn't quite himself, yet, but the time away from London had done him a bit of good.

Marty dropped the bags in the lounge, turned and looked at Jeff.

Jeff stood nearby, rubbing his hands together, "Marty, it's a bit chilly in here, don't you think?"

Marty nodded.

"I'll get a fire started, then. How about if you find us a nice bottle of wine?" Jeff asked.

Marty looked at Jeff, raised an eyebrow, then said, "Wine? And a fire? Jeff... are you sure?"

Jeff nodded, "I am."

Marty nodded, "All right then, go ahead and start the fire, and I'll find something, appropriate."

Marty grabbed the bags, put them near the stairs to the second level of the house, then headed towards the kitchen, a grin on his face. He knew Jeff, and he knew what a fire and wine normally meant. Marty smiled wider, knowing what Jeff's remarks meant he was thinking about. Marty walked into the kitchen, found a nice bottle of wine, and two glasses. Then he opened the wine, taking it and the glasses and joining Jeff near their fireplace.

The fire in the fireplace had just caught, and Jeff lay, in a suggestive pose on the fluffy rug, in front of the fireplace. Marty entered, looking at Jeff, then smiling. He put the wine and glasses on a table near the sofa, and went to Jeff, taking him into his arms. "Jeff?"

Jeff looked up at Marty, "Cuddling to start, Marty. But I think it will be more. I want more. Hopefully, I'll... I'll be all right if we have sex as well. Let's try at least, hum?" Jeff nuzzled Marty's neck.

Marty nodded, his eyes wide, then he cuddled Jeff closer. He kissed the top of Jeff's head, and said, "Nice and slow, Jeff, we'll take things nice and slow. And we can stop whenever you want."

Jeff nodded, turning his head to kiss Marty. Marty kissed Jeff back. Jeff deepened the kiss, running his hands along Marty's hair, and pulling Marty over and onto the rug. Marty responded, kissing Jeff as deeply, then paused slightly, waiting for a hint from his lover. Jeff ran his hands across Marty's shoulders, then under his suit coat jacket. Gently, Jeff eased Marty's jacket off and to the floor.

Marty smiled at Jeff, ran his own hands under Jeff's suitcoat, and eased it off and to the floor. Then he removed Jeff's tie and began unbuttoning Jeff's shirt. Jeff's hands moved up, and he undid Marty's tie. Marty bent and kissed Jeff's chest, nuzzling Jeff, licking his chest.

Jeff gasped, "Yes, Marty, oh god, yes!" pulling Marty closer, pushing Marty's head into his chest.

Marty nodded, and continued, caressing Jeff, kissing him, and running his hands along Jeff's bare chest. He pulled off Jeff's shirt, and slid along the rug, reaching Jeff's face and kissing him, gently, then harder and deeper.

Jeff responded to the kiss, then rolled Marty so Marty lay on the rug and he lay on top.

Marty grinned at Jeff, and Jeff unbuttoned Marty's shirt, easing it off. Jeff moved to Marty's now naked chest and began to kiss, nuzzle, and play.

"Oh god, Jeff," said Marty, as he pulled Jeff closer, running his hands through Jeff's hair.

Jeff slid down Marty's body, leaving a trail of kisses behind, reached Marty's trousers, and undid Marty's belt, then the trousers, sliding them down and off Marty's legs and onto the floor. Jeff smiled, "Ah, no underwear, good!" then went down on Marty, licking, sucking, and playing with his partner's penis.

Marty gasped, and groaned, "God, yes! It's been so long, Jeff!"

Jeff continued, then shuddered, pulling away from Marty, laying face down against Marty's stomach, and crying uncontrollably.

Marty realised suddenly that something was very wrong, "Jeff?"

Jeff rolled off Marty and continued to cry, face down on the fluffy carpet.

Marty turned around, kneeling next to Jeff, his hands on Jeff's back, "Jeff, What's wrong? God, you're scaring me, please tell me, what is it?"

Jeff sat up, looked at Marty, and with tears still rolling down his face, said, "I can't! I can't do it! I had a flash... I felt that BASTARD forcing himself in my mouth and I can't..." Jeff left off, turning away from Marty, sobbing.

Marty went to Jeff, lightly touching his shoulder, "Jeff, it's okay."

Jeff shook his head, "It's not... Marty, it's been a month! We haven't for a month, Marty!"

Marty moved around on the carpet so he was in front of Jeff, "It's okay! It's okay, Jeff. I won't hurt you and I'd never force you."

Jeff nodded, wetness still in his eyes, as he began swallowing his tears, he moved forward, raising a hand to Marty's jaw, "I don't want to **tease** you, Marty. I know you want to. I know you need to be with me."

Marty nodded, "You're not a tease, Jeff. I love you. And I know what you've been through, it's okay."

Jeff turned away and mumbled, "I wouldn't blame you if you left."

Marty looked at Jeff, "What?"

Jeff turned around, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I thought I was ready. I thought I could do this tonight, Marty. I still want to. God, I want to."

Marty went to Jeff, lightly put his arms around his shoulder, _Do you still want to cuddle, Jeff?_

Jeff nodded, moving into Marty's arms. _Yeah, I do. I WANT more. But I..._

_Jeff, listen, it's all right, _Marty kissed Jeff's temple as he pulled him close, _Jeff, please don't push yourself. That only makes it worse. It makes **you **feel worse. I love you and I'm willing to wait until you're ready, Jeff. And you will be, _Marty put one hand to Jeff's jaw, raising his head as he stared into Jeff's eyes, _honestly, Jeff, you WILL be ready, one day. You will._

Jeff sighed, "Hold me, just hold me, Marty. Please."

Marty put his arms around Jeff, holding him tight. "Always, Jeff. I'll always be here to hold you." Marty rested his chin on Jeff's shoulder, holding him against his own chest. Marty lightly kissed Jeff's hair, and said, quietly, "I love you, Jeff."

Jeff turned 'round in Marty's arms, lightly kissed Marty, then replied, "I love you, as well, Marty."

Marty kissed Jeff in reply, then pulled him tight. "I know," he whispered, "Would you like some wine, Jeff?"

Jeff nodded, then shivered.

Marty noticed that Jeff was getting cold, so he got up and grabbed a small blanket from the nearby couch, and wrapped it around his lover's shoulders, then he went over to the wine and glasses on the table and poured two large glasses of wine. He went to Jeff, sat next to him, putting the blanket around his own shoulders, then handed Jeff the wine.

Jeff looked at the size of the glass, then said, "Trying to get me drunk?"

Marty shook his head, "No," then sipped his own wine.

Jeff took a sip, put the wine down, then turned towards Marty, moving towards him, his hand reaching for Marty's bare chest.

Marty set his own wine down, and grabbed Jeff's hand, "Jeff, don't."

Jeff looked at Marty, hurt.

Marty sighed deeply, then said, "I won't hurt you, Jeff. You're not ready, and it's okay, it really is. Let me hold you instead."

"Marty, I want... I want you, Marty, I do."

Marty nodded, then whispered, "I know, Jeff, I know, but what happened to you was horrific, and, and it's only natural that you are scared. That..." Marty left off, then reached for his wine.

Jeff looked at Marty, and slowly nodded, "You don't want me."

Marty looked at Jeff, then said, angrily, "Of COURSE I want you Jeff. But I won't HURT you. I won't force you, or anything of the sort." Marty calmed, then continued quietly, "Jeff, I, I remember when it happened to me. You know that I have reactions to this very day, if someone comes up from behind me, or touches me a certain way when I'm not expecting it. It's only been a month, Jeff. Please don't force yourself into something before you're ready." Marty reached out, gesturing Jeff to his side to soften the blow of his words. "You are everything to me, Jeff. I love you. And I'd never, ever hurt you, Jeff. Never."

Jeff carefully balanced his wine in his hand, as he moved next to Marty, sitting next to him. Marty put an arm around Jeff's shoulders, pulling him tightly into an half embrace. Both leaned back against the sofa, and stared into the fireplace, sipping their wine.

* * *

A week later, Jeff lay next to Marty in bed. He reached over to Marty, running his hand over Marty's chest.

Marty turned towards Jeff, "Jeff?"

Jeff continued stroking Marty's chest, then rolled on top of Marty, kissing him.

Marty responded to the kiss, putting his own arms around Jeff, who now lay on top of him.

Jeff deepened the kiss, opening his mouth and licking Marty's lips. Marty's mouth opened and he deepened the kiss as well, entering Jeff's mouth with his tongue.

Marty came up for air, "Oh, god, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, as he unbuttoned Marty's blue silk pyjama top, took it off, and dropped it on the floor next to the bed.

Marty rolled Jeff on the bed, leaning over him to unbutton and take off his burgundy pyjama top, he looked down at Jeff, kissing him again, one hand on the back of Jeff's head, the other on Jeff's chest.

Jeff stroked Marty's back, running his hands, up and down, then said, "Take me, Marty. I'm ready, I need to have you take me. Please."

Marty nodded, holding Jeff tight, then rolled again, until he lay on his back and Jeff was above him. Marty looked up into Jeff's eyes. "You are, ready, aren't you? You are," he said, looking into Jeff's eyes.

Jeff nodded, "Yah. I... I want you, Marty, I want you."

Marty nodded, and pulled Jeff to him. He reached out, nibbling Jeff's ear, then whispered, "Top or bottom?"

Jeff froze for a barely-perceptible second, then said, "Top. I want to be in you, Marty." Jeff kissed Marty's lips, then pulled slightly back. "Let me enter you, tonight, now, please."

Marty nodded, kissed Jeff again, then rolled onto his stomach.

Jeff gasped, seeing Marty giving him permission, so readily. In the last week, he'd started to approach his lover in bed, only to have Marty look at him, and softly tell him he knew, knew Jeff wasn't ready, and he wouldn't do it. Jeff lightly touched Marty's shoulders. Marty looked back up at Jeff, and their eyes met.

"Thank you," said Jeff, then he reached for the bottle of oil on the bedside table. The oil wasn't there. Jeff looked around, confused, opened the drawer of the table, found what he was looking for, and took it out. He poured scented oil into his hands, and began massaging and caressing Marty's shoulders, leaning down to kiss them, then running his hands back and forth along his lover's back.

Jeff's hands slid to Marty's pyjama bottoms, sliding them off, then he removed his own. He continuing to massage Marty's back, until his own penis reacted, getting hard.

Jeff poured more oil into his hands, and rubbed it on Marty's arse, then he coated himself and entered Marty. Jeff took Marty with slow, gentle strokes, stopping the movement only to bend and kiss Marty's back and shoulders. Finally, Jeff came and slid out.

Marty turned on the mattress, reaching for Jeff, then grabbing his arms. Jeff moved into Marty's grasp, reaching for him, kissing him, passionately. Then he sent, _Jeff? Jeff, are you all right?_

_I'm fine, Marty, I am so fine, _Jeff responded, kissing Marty again, _God, I... I thought I'd never be able to do that again. Marty... I love you, so much._

Marty nodded, pulling Jeff close and kissing him.

_Enter me, Marty. Please. Make love to me._

Marty pulled Jeff close, rolling him on the bed, until Jeff lay on his stomach, then he straddled his lover. Marty reached for the bottle of oil, rubbing it on his hands, and then massaging Jeff's back and shoulders. Jeff groaned with pleasure as Marty massaged him. Marty kissed Jeff's shoulders and back, then continued his massage.

Finally, he coated his own hard and ready penis, and entered Jeff.

Jeff groaned and moaned, then he screamed.

"What? What?" Marty answered, pulling out of his partner, and kneeling on the bed.

Jeff turned in the bed, facing Marty, staring at him, tears running down his eyes.

Marty crawled along the bed, until he was right in front of Jeff, "What? What happened, Jeff?" He reached out to touch Jeff's face, but Jeff pulled away.

Jeff shook his head, not answering Marty, then his whole frame began to shake.

Marty stared at Jeff with concern, "Jeff, what is it? Tell me!"

Jeff nodded, then, and began speaking in a quiet, detached tone, "It wasn't you, Marty. It didn't feel like you. It WASN'T you!"

Marty looked at Jeff, in shock, then moved closer, reaching out a hand towards Jeff. Jeff pulled away, then moved closer, reaching out for Marty. Marty took Jeff in his arms, and petted Jeff's head.

Jeff began to cry, "Oh, god, Marty. Oh, god. It... It wasn't you!"

Marty nodded, tears falling from his own eyes, "I'm sorry, Jeff. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

Jeff stopped shaking then raised a hand to stroke the side of Marty's face, and to pet his hair. "NO, Marty, no. It's not YOUR fault! It's my fault! There's something wrong with ME, Marty. There must be!"

Marty shook his head, then held Jeff slightly away, so they could see each other's faces clearly. "Jeff, no. You've been through something..." he paused, thinking, then said, "traumatic, Jeff. Something horrible. I KNOW what it's like, to go through something like that, Jeff. You just need more time, that's all." Marty pulled Jeff close, leaning his head on Jeff's shoulder. Then he turned his head, reaching towards Jeff with his lips.

Jeff met Marty's lips, and kissed him. He raised a hand, bringing it up to touch Marty's face.

Marty leaned into the touch, then murmured, "It will be all right, Jeff. It will. It just takes time, that's all."

Jeff nodded, moving into his partner's arms, then lightly kissing Marty again.

Marty accepted the kiss, returned it lightly, and pulled Jeff to himself. Jeff threw his arms around Marty, snuggled close, and soon the two drifted off, asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

A week later, Jeff and Marty again lay in bed, Jeff touched Marty's chest with his hand, petting his lover's chest, then whispered into Marty's ear. Marty awoke with a start.

Jeff smiled at Marty, then whispered, "Marty?"

Marty looked at Jeff, smiled, then said, "Yah, Jeff?"

"Marty, I... I want to try again. I know, I..." Jeff left off, then looked deep into Marty's blue eyes, "I need to be with you, Marty, I do. I really..." Jeff left off, rolled onto Marty, and kissed his lips lightly, then said, "Please, make love to me, Marty. Please."

Marty grabbed Jeff's hands, "Are you sure, Jeff? Jeff-- I will NOT hurt you, and last time..."

Jeff put a hand to Marty's lips, stopping him from speaking, "I know, I know, last time, I..." Jeff shuddered, "But I need you, Marty. I do. I need for our relationship to be," Jeff looked off in the distance, thinking, "I need to have an intimate relationship with you, Marty. I... it's so difficult, lying next to you, night after night, and not..." Jeff left off, moved closer to Marty and kissed him, "Please."

Marty nodded, "All right, Jeff, but let's... let's take it slow, okay? Please?"

Jeff nodded.

Marty put his arms around Jeff, and pulled him closer, then kissed him, gently. Jeff responded to the kiss, putting his own arms around Marty, then rolling him on the bed until they lay on their sides, facing each other. Jeff deepened the kiss, licking Marty's lips, then thrusting his tongue into Marty's mouth. Marty ran his hands along Jeff's back, then moved to his front, unbuttoning and taking off his burgundy silk pyjamas. He scooted closer, running his hands along Jeff's chest, then back to lick, kiss and play with Jeff's chest.

"Oh, god, Marty, oh god," Jeff moaned, then he lay on his back.

Marty nodded, moving onto Jeff, kissing his chest, and caressing him. _Are you ready, Jeff? I'll take you in my mouth, but only if you are ready._

Jeff nodded, murmuring, "hum, hum," then he kissed Marty's mouth, then sent, _Do it, take me Marty, please._

Marty nodded, and blazed a trail of kisses down Jeff's chest, until he finally reached the top of Jeff's pyjama bottoms, he pulled them off, and lightly touched Jeff, stroking his penis and lightly touching his balls.

Jeff moaned, "God, yes, Marty! Do me-- please!"

Marty nodded again, then went down on Jeff, taking him in his mouth. He licked and sucked and played. Jeff was flaccid in his mouth, then as Marty continued his ministrations, Jeff's penis got hard. Marty nodded, and continued as Jeff arched and thrust, until finally, he came.

Marty moved off Jeff, and swallowed then kissed Jeff's chest, blazing a trail to the Jeff's throat, before he reached Jeff's face, and stared into his liquid brown eyes.

Jeff held Marty tightly, then kissed him deeply.

_Are you all right, Jeff?_ Marty sent.

_Yah, I'm fine, Marty. It was good. It was so good._

_Good_, Marty answered, then he threw his arms around Jeff, kissing him again and holding him tight.

Jeff pet Marty's hair, then whispered, "More, Marty. Enter me, please."

Marty shook his head, "I'm not sure that's a good idea, Jeff."

Jeff pulled back on the bed, sitting up. "I'm sure, Marty. I want you in me. Please."

Marty looked at Jeff, but he could never refuse his lover anything, not when he gave that pleading look. Marty nodded.

Jeff turned over on his stomach.

Marty removed his pyjamas, then began kissing Jeff's back and the tops of his shoulders. "You sure you want bottom, Jeff?"

Jeff nodded, "I'm sure, Marty. Absolutely."

Marty nodded again, reaching for the oil on the nightstand. He found it, poured some in his hands, and began to give Jeff a long, luxurious massage, interrupting only to kiss his lover's back and shoulders. Then he blazed a trail of kisses down Jeff's back.

Jeff groaned, at Marty's ministrations, then said, "Do it, please."

Marty nodded, and coated his own hard penis. He poured oil on his hands, and coated Jeff, then entered him with one finger.

Jeff moaned and nodded, giving his lover permission and demanding more.

Marty added more oil, then entered Jeff with two fingers.

Again, Jeff moaned and then sent, _Come on, Marty, I want you, I need you-- it's been a really long time._

_I know, but last time, you..._ Marty sent.

_...that won't happen again. _Jeff interrupted.

Marty nodded, "I'm starting, Jeff." He coated himself, and Jeff, then entered him, taking Jeff with gentle strokes.

Jeff moaned, then tensed. And it still wasn't Marty that he felt inside himself. He groaned, but lay quietly, and submissively, waiting for Marty to finish, determined not to protest.

Marty finally came, slid out of Jeff, and moved towards him on the bed. He reached out to pull Jeff into a tight embrace, but Jeff pulled back.

"Jeff? What's wrong? Did I hurt you, Jeff?"

Jeff shook his head, moving closer to his lover, and whispered, "You weren't the one that hurt me, Marty. Believe me, you weren't."

Marty nodded, reached out and pet Jeff's hair, "So, what is it then?"

Jeff reached out, and lightly stroked Marty's hair. "Nothing, it's nothing, Marty. I'm all right. Hold me?"

Marty nodded, "Of course, Jeff, of course. I'll always hold you." He reached out, pulling Jeff to himself, lightly kissing him, then closed his eyes.

Jeff sat quietly in Marty's arms, holding Marty, waiting for him to sleep. But he knew that it had been the final test. It had been over six weeks, since his attack, and although he could now have sex with his partner, it was painful, and in his head, it was like he was getting raped all over again. Jeff knew he couldn't handle it any more and he knew what he must do. As soon as Marty was sound asleep, he'd do it.

* * *

**later that night**

Jeff awoke, it was dark in the bedroom, he'd managed to fall asleep, but now he'd awoken again. He looked over at Marty, but Marty was still asleep. Jeff nodded to himself, slipping out of the bed. He walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Jeff carefully opened a new packet of razor blades, pulling out a straight blade. Then Jeff stripped and got in the bath, debating in his mind turning on the water or not. He turned the water on and let the tub fill, relaxing in the warm water. The razor blade sat on a small towel on the edge of the tub, and Jeff looked at it, thinking to himself, _God, Marty, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I know you won't understand, but I can't..._ He turned off the water that poured in to the tub. He picked up the blade, and held it to his left arm, pressing it deeply into his wrist, then dragging it to his elbow. Jeff gasped, then took the blade in his left hand, and clumsily repeated the process with his right wrist. Jeff dropped both his arms into the water, the water turned red. Jeff closed his eyes, leaning back against the tub and calmly waited.

**Minutes later**

Marty awoke and stretched out his arm, finding the bed empty, he awoke more fully and sat up, "Jeff?" Marty leant over to the bedside lamp and turned it on, but the bedroom was empty. Fear shot through Marty, and he sat on the edge of the bed, then was hit by an overwhelming feeling that something was horribly wrong. He shot to his feet and rushed to the bathroom, opened the door, and screamed. He rushed to his lover who lay slumped in the bathtub. Marty's hand tremoured as he reached for his lover's neck. Jeff's pulse was racing. "Thank god," Marty murmured

Marty pulled his unconscious lover out of the tub, grabbing towels to wrap his wrists. He lowered Jeff to the bathroom floor, then reluctantly left him, rushing to grab his mobile from the bedroom.

Marty returned to Jeff in the bathroom, taking him in his arms, and dialled 999.

After completing the 999 call, Marty held Jeff tight. "How could you do this, Jeff? How? I think I know why, but how? Why didn't you talk to me?" Marty held Jeff tight, not minding the bloody water that soaked his own silk pyjamas, and whispered into Jeff's ear, "Jeff, listen. I hope you can hear me, Jeff. If you don't make it, if you have succeeded in what you just tried to do. Jeff - I will follow you. Do you hear me?" Marty raised his voice on the last phrase.

Jeff stirred in his arms. "Mar... Marty?"

"I'm here, Jeff," Marty stroked Jeff's hair.

"No. Marty, let me die. Please - it is what I want."

Marty stroked Jeff's hair, then kissed him, "No, Jeff. You don't want this."

Jeff slipped back into unconsciousness. Marty held him close, _Where's that ambulance?_ He thought, then he kissed Jeff, and whispered in his ear, "Jeff, I love you, please don't... don't leave me." He checked Jeff's pulse, and found it slowing, and faint, but still there. Marty shook Jeff, until Jeff's eyes opened again, then he rocked him, desperately trying to keep him awake. Marty checked Jeff's breathing, and it was shallow but consistent. He carefully held Jeff, rocking him and whispering to him to keep him awake, whilst waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

There was a banging at the front door. Marty reluctantly left Jeff, rushing to the door, and opening it, "The upstairs bath, he's in the bath, help him, please," he said as the EMTs entered the house.

The EMTS rushed past Marty upstairs to the bathroom, saw Jeff and immediately began to help him, asking Marty questions as they did so. Marty stood in the corner of the bathroom out of the way, answering the EMT's questions in shocked, quiet tones. Soon the EMTs had Jeff stabilised, with two IV bags feeding fluids in him. They took Jeff to hospital - with Marty at his side.

* * *

Marty waited outside Jeff's hospital room. A doctor approached. "He's stable, and you can see him. Mr. Hopkirk, you are very lucky he's still alive, he lost a lot of blood. And, HE'S lucky you found him so soon."

Marty nodded, steadied himself, and walked into Jeff's hospital room.

Jeff lay in the bed, his face and arms very pale. A bag of blood, and two clear IVs bags were on a stand near the bed, lines snaked into Jeff's arms.

"God, Jeff," said Marty, looking at his lover.

"Marty, I'm sorry, but I... I can't handle what happened to me, Marty. I can't."

"You CAN, Jeff. You know you can! Come on, I thought therapy was going all right."

"Marty - whenever you... when we... I can't..."

"What? Jeff, come on, tell me, what is it? What would make you do this?"

Jeff took a deep breath then answered, "When we made love, it wasn't you anymore, Marty - it's them. And it's painful, and I... I felt like I was dying the last time we made love, Marty. - I love you. I WANT to have an intimate relationship with you. Like we always have. And now... now I can't because of WHAT HAPPENED. I can't live with it, anymore, Marty. I'm sorry."

"It takes time, Jeff. Give yourself time. And talk to Beth about how you feel. God, don't..."

"I'll do it again, Marty. I'm sorry. But I will."

"NO!"

Jeff nodded, "I'm sorry, Marty. I love you so much..."

"Then don't do this, Jeff. Because if you do... so will I. I swear it. I won't out live you, Jeff. I won't."

Jeff raised a hand, and Marty grasped it. _Together, then, Marty? Because I can't live with it. I can't. I'm not strong like you._

_You ARE, Jeff. You have strength in you. I know you do._

Jeff shook his head, _No, no I don't, Marty. I slit my wrists because I don't. And I'll... I will kill myself, Marty. Believe me. I'm sorry. But I will - it's the only strength I have left._

_Jeff, I... if I can't change your mind, if it's set, then yes - I promise you - yes. Together. I'll even arrange it, Jeff. There are ways._

_We'd both? I'd die and _

_and I'd die with you._

_Then do it, Marty. Arrange it. Get me out of this hospital and arrange it. For us both._

_Right. Do you have a preference, Jeff?_

_Preference?_

_Guns, poison, knives? Jeff, I have a long acquaintance with the idea. If it weren't for you..._

_Let me think about it. Guns maybe._

_God, you are serious, aren't you?_

_Yes, Marty. I am. Aren't you? Because if you're not, I will still do it._

_No, Jeff. I am very serious. If you killed yourself, or even if you died, I'd shoot myself, Jeff. I swear it._

_Arrange it, Marty._

Marty sent a wave of agreement to Jeff, then pulled out of their contact, his eyes streaming with tears. "I promise, Jeff. I swear it."

"And I swear to you, Marty. I'm serious. It's what I want. It's the only way."

Marty nodded again.

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Chapter 4

**"Because I Love Him"**

**by Olivia Sutton**

**"Snapshots" Universe**

**Part 4 of 6**

A few days later, Marty swung the door shut to his solicitor's office behind himself, "Hey, Bill. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice." Marty went to Bill's desk and grasped Bill's hand, shaking it.

"Not a problem, Marty. Where's Jeff? You two are never apart." Bill returned the handshake, then indicated the chair in front of his desk.

Marty sat, put his briefcase on the floor next to the chair, then took a breath and answered, "He's in hospital at the moment, Bill."

"Hospital? What happened? He's all right, isn't he?"

"Yah, he'll be fine. Fortunately. I found him before... I mean, he will be fine. But... Jeff and I..."

"God, you're not splitting up are you?"

"NO! No, we're not splitting up."

"Good - I don't think I've ever seen a couple so much in love. And that includes the married ones."

Marty nodded, "It's... we've had two very close calls. Well, JEFF has had two very close calls. We've talked about it, and... Bill, I want to make arrangements. In case something happens to me, or Jeff, or... or both of us, I need to make sure that his mum's all right and I don't want her to have to worry about... about any of the details."

Bill nodded, "I remember what happened, Marty. Did they ever catch the blokes that did that to Jeff?"

"No. I mean, Jeff identified them, well, one of them by name even, but he did a runner. And the police aren't pursuing it."

"They aren't? Why not?"

Marty looked at Bill, his expression angry, "Bill, come on, you know why not. Everyone pretends to be understanding, but they whisper behind our backs." Marty took a deep breath, then said, "But that's not why I'm here. I... I need to make some changes to my will, and Jeff needs to have a will, and... I've heard you can pre-plan a funeral. I want to do that. So Mrs. Randall won't have to. Plus there's insurance, our house, our business... Bill, there's a lot to sort out."

Bill nodded, "All right. But... Marty, I'm sorry. I am. But Jeff will need to...you can't do everything for him."

"Can I... can I tell you what he wants, and then have him sign the papers? Bill, I'm here because Jeff... he doesn't want to be here, you know what I mean? He can't. Jeff's always been touchy on the subject. I told him I'd take care of everything, make the decisions, the arrangements, and... Bill, please tell me I didn't lie to him by saying I can do this... do everything."

Bill nodded, "Marty... if it was **anyone **else I'd say no. But I've known you two since Jeff and I were in uni. And Jeff's the only person I've ever known who's completed a law course and not written his own will. I know the topic bothers him, though I don't know why."

Marty nodded, "Bill, Jeff lost his father when he was only two. He doesn't even remember his own father."

Bill nodded, "I know. I remember him... mentioning it a few times."

"He's always felt very uncomfortable about the subject. Death, wills, funerals... it's extremely difficult for him. Almost a... phobia. He knows it's completely unreasonable, but..."

Bill nodded again. "That is unusual, Marty, but not unheard of. I've ended-up probating the property of more than one person like that."

Marty nodded, "It... shocked me, when he brought up the subject, but..." Marty leaned forward, touched Bill's arm, then said, "You're a friend, Bill, to us both, so..." Marty took a deep breath, then said, "We were both shaken by what happened to Jeff. By his attack. And then, he..." Marty stopped, "After the second close call, he started talking about having a will, making arrangements, having things settled. But his... phobia... he wanted me to handle the fine details. And I'm willing to do that. It doesn't bother me, not like it bothers Jeff."

Bill nodded, "I think I understand."

Marty let go of Bill's arm, then reached for his briefcase, "So, you'll make this easier for him?"

Bill looked at Marty and sighed, "Okay, all right, because it's you, you and Jeff... I'll draw up the papers, I'll go through everything with you. And then I'll write drafts for him to sign." Bill got up from his desk and touched Marty's shoulder, "Is that all right?"

Marty nodded. "Thank you."

Bill sat down, "Now, what changes do you want to make?"

Marty took a deep breath, and looked up at Bill, "As you know, right now my will states that if... if something were to happen to me, Jeff gets everything - my half of the business, the house, the investments..."

Bill nodded, "I remember, Marty. I wrote it up for you."

Marty closed his eyes, opened them, then said, "I want to add Mrs. Anna Randall to the will. If something happens to me, everything goes to Jeff. But if something happens to Jeff... I want everything to go to her, Bill. Everything. The house, the business, all the investments, everything that I have, everything **Jeff** and I have..."

Bill looked up at Marty, "Marty, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Marty answered.

Bill looked over at Marty, his hands on the desk, "Marty, what you're describing is a basic secondary beneficiary clause. It's not even unusual, but... Marty, are you and Jeff in some sort of trouble? Is someone threatening you, or the business?"

Marty looked at Bill, got up out of the chair, then began to pace, then he returned to the chair in front of the desk and sat down. "No." Marty caught Bill's eye, then said, "Well, we've had a bit of trouble..."

Bill nodded, "If you are receiving threats, you should call the police, Marty."

Marty put his hands on Bill's desk, "No. It's not like that. And the coppers haven't been much help so far, finding the bastards that hurt my Jeff. But... his attack, made us realise a few things, Bill. It did. God, he almost died."

"I know, I remember. I came and got you at the hospital, brought you home, you stayed with Gina and I for... I don't remember how long, but a few days, at least. Marty, I'd never seen you like that before."

Marty looked at Bill, "You did? Oh, that's right, you did. Did I thank you?"

"Yes. Now Marty..."

Marty looked at Bill, "Please. I would feel a lot more comfortable if I knew that everything was in order. That if... IF something were to happen to me, or Jeff, or even both of us, his mum will be all right. That we've taken care of her. She raised me, Bill. And I do care for her. I even call her Mrs. Randall-mum, she means more to me than my own, useless, mother. I don't have any other family, and it's not like Jeff and I will have children. PLEASE, just make the changes. Add the, 'secondary beneficiary', clause that you mentioned."

Bill looked up at Marty. "I can do that. I will. It's... I consider you a friend, Marty. If you need something. If you're in trouble. I want to help. I do."

Marty looked away, not meeting Bill's eyes, then murmured, "There's nothing you can do."

Bill nodded, "All right. But think about it. I want to help. I consider you and Jeff to be my friends."

Marty looked at Bill, "I... I wish I could tell you. I do. But you're an officer of the court, Bill."

Bill's head snapped up, "You're **not** planning something dodgy or illegal, are you? Marty, if you're planning on tracking down the bastards that... that attacked Jeff, don't! Just don't! It's not worth it, Marty."

Marty shook his head, "That's the farthest thing from my mind right now."

Bill closed his eyes, then opened them and looked at Marty. "All right, all right. What about Jeff's will?"

Marty took a deep breath, then said, "He wants to leave everything to me, but if something happens to me, it all goes to his mum."

Bill raised an eyebrow. "Jeff will have to sign it. Marty, you can't name yourself as beneficiary, in someone else's will." Bill raised a hand at Marty's protests, stopping him before he got started, "NOW, I know you two. I suspected that was what Jeff told you he wanted before you even spoke. I'll write it up as if he had told me himself, because I **do** know him. And you. But, it won't be official until he signs it. And, I **should **speak to him, preferably in person, but by phone if that's easier for Jeff."

Marty nodded. "But you will write both wills?"

Bill nodded, "Yes. And I have several pamphlets on funeral planning. You may take them home, talk to Jeff, make your decisions and bring everything back when you come in to sign the drafts."

Marty nodded. "Do you need anything else? Papers for the business, the house, our investments?"

Bill nodded, "Bring in copies of everything... the deeds, ownership papers, insurance and investment information. Everything for both of you. I'll write the specifics into the wills, and make copies to have on file. IF something happens, it will make everything easier on Mrs. Randall, it will be all laid out for her. BUT Marty,"

Marty paused in his action of fiddling with his briefcase.

"Marty, I don't want something to happen. Are you sure, absolutely sure, there is nothing I can do? I would like to help, if I can."

Marty smiled a sad smile, opened the briefcase, and took out a stack of papers. "Bill, I appreciate the offer. I do. But there's nothing you can do." He handed the papers to Bill, "These are copies. You can keep them." Marty sighed, "It's only a precaution, Bill. Honestly, it's... what happened to Jeff a couple of months ago, scared us both. Suddenly, both of us, seemed, vulnerable. We've had scrapes before, but..." Marty stood, reached for Bill's hand, and grasped it, "Bill, please, just take care of it, for me."

Bill grasped Marty's hand, "I will. The papers should be ready by Wednesday."

Marty nodded, shook Bill's hand, then spun on his heel and rushed out of the office. Bill looked at him as he left, shuddered, then began to sort through the papers on the desk.

* * *

**Wednesday afternoon**

Marty and Jeff entered Bill Smith's office, Jeff's expression was wan and slightly frightened, Marty's resolute and a bit grim.

Bill stood up and walked towards Jeff, holding out his hand, "Jeff, good to see you. I'll make this as painless as possible, there really isn't much to it."

Jeff nodded, then walked over to the chairs in front of the desk.

Bill returned to his chair and sat, then noticed Jeff and Marty still standing near the chairs, "Go ahead and sit down, make yourselves comfortable," he looked at their expressions, "And try to relax, Jeff, there really is nothing to it. You should understand the need for a will."

Jeff nodded, and took his seat, then he extended his hand to Marty. Marty grasped it, giving Jeff moral support. Jeff smiled, tightly.

"Now, Marty's already explained to me that you want everything to go to him, but if something were to happen to him, everything will go to your mum, Mrs. Anna Randall. I've drawn up the draft, if you would like to review it," he handed a stack of papers to Jeff. Then he turned to Marty, "And your provisional draft is ready Marty. Read it through, let me know if I've missed anything, or if there's anything you are unsure of, then go ahead and sign it." Bill got up from his desk, went to a filing cabinet and pulled out some papers, then handed them to Marty.

Marty took the papers, read through them carefully, then handed them back, "It's fine."

Bill nodded, "Sign the bottom, Marty. Your full name, mind. Did you and Jeff have time to review the funeral planning brochures I gave you?"

Marty took the papers, found the last page, and signed, and handed them back, then said, "Yes. I've... WE'VE made all the decisions. It's in my briefcase."

Bill nodded, taking the signed, draft will, from Marty, then said, "My secretary will type this, and you can sign the final version, tomorrow."

Jeff had finished reading through the draft will, "It...it looks fine, Bill. Thank you."

Bill nodded, "Sign the bottom, Jeff, your full name, mind."

Jeff nodded, flipped to the final page, signed, and handed it back to Bill.

Marty pulled some papers from his briefcase, then handed them to Bill.

Bill looked them over, then said to Jeff, "Jeff, you also need to sign this."

Jeff looked up at Bill in surprise, took the papers and looked through it. He gasped, and his hand began to shake.

Marty looked at Jeff, then put a hand on his shoulder, "Jeff, we talked about it. It really is best this way; if something happens to... to you, or to us, or to me..." Marty let that hang for a second, then said, "It will be easiest on your mum if everything is planned."

Jeff nodded, took the paper, and signed, quickly handing it back to Bill. "I know, Marty, I know, but..."

Marty nodded, and put a reassuring hand on Jeff's arm, "Bill, is that all for Jeff?"

Bill nodded, checking that they had both signed everything, "That's all, unless there's something else I can do for you?"

Marty nodded briefly, then turned to Jeff, "Jeff, go ahead and wait outside. I want to speak to Bill about something, then I'll be right out, okay?"

Jeff nodded, beating a hasty retreat towards the door. As he did, Bill called out to him. "Jeff, once my secretary has typed the final version, you'll need to sign that as well. It will be ready, tomorrow, Jeff. But Marty can bring it to me, once it's signed, all right?"

Jeff turned on his heel, nodded at Bill, then opened the door to the outer office and left.

Bill looked at Marty, "Is there something else?"

Marty nodded, running a hand over his face, "Bill, you've asked if you can help, and..." Marty stood up and began pacing in front of Bill's desk, "Did you mean it? Could you, will you help us?"

Bill looked up at Marty, "Yes. If there is anything I can do. Marty, Jeff really did look awful, and you're more tense than, well, more tense than is even normal for you. What is it? What's happened?"

Marty nodded, then sat down, looking at him, and said, "Well, there is one thing. Jeff and I... we have been having a little trouble. And I haven't been looking for trouble, Bill, I haven't. But..."

Bill looked at Marty, "Call the police."

Marty shook his head, "I can't. Look, Bill, what I need..." Marty took a deep breath, "I don't quite know how to ask this, but... I need weapons, Bill. Protection. Jeff and I have never used them, but... I want to be able to look after Jeff. I want to have something so there won't **BE** a third close call."

Bill whistled, "Marty..."

"Don't ask me to explain. Just trust me. Can you get a pair of hand guns for us?"

"Two of them?" Bill asked, quietly.

Marty nodded, "That would be best, I don't want..." he sighed, "Jeff needs to have one as well. He needs one, Bill. He does. More so than me."

Bill nodded, his eyes meeting Marty's, "I shouldn't but... yes, I can."

Marty nodded, "By tomorrow, when I come by for the finalised wills?"

Bill nodded again, "Yes."

"Thank you, I mean it, Bill, thank you."

Bill nodded, "Can't you tell me what this is all about?"

Marty shook his head, "No, I can't. I am sorry."

"Okay, then, Marty."

Marty nodded, reached forward and grabbed Bill's arm, "You don't know what this means-- to us both, Jeff and I." Marty let go, then added, "Bill, thank you."

Bill nodded, "The final drafts will be ready tomorrow. If you both come in, you can sign them right here, and everything will be finalised. And I'll have... what you've asked for, ready for you."

Marty stood, and reached out. Bill stood as well and the two shook hands. Marty smiled a sad, introspective smile, then said, "Thanks, Bill. I'll see you tomorrow, yah?"

Bill nodded, "Yah. Goodbye, Marty."

"Goodbye, Bill." Marty waved, then walked out the door.

* * *

Marty returned for the third time to Bill Smith's office, smiling as he saw his friend and solicitor. Then he offered his hand to Bill. He walked from behind the desk to Marty, shook his hand, then looked about, "So where is Jeff?"

"I couldn't talk him into coming again, Bill." Marty said, quietly.

Bill nodded, "All right, well I saw him sign the draft, if I give you the final version and he signs it, it should be all right." He returned to his chair behind the desk and sat down.

Marty went to the chair before Bill's desk and removed an envelope from his suit coat pocket and placed them on the desk before himself. "Is everything ready?" he asked, quietly.

Bill nodded, taking some papers from a file on his desk, which he handed over to Marty, "Your final will, Marty."

Marty nodded, checked over the papers, and signed them, then handed them back.

Bill nodded as he took back Marty's will, "That's it for you." He sorted through a few papers on the desk, then handed Marty an envelope, "Here is Jeff's final draft. Have him sign it, and bring it back."

Marty nodded, "Did you get the... the other thing I asked you?"

Bill nodded, "Marty, I... I need to ask you... why do you want them? If you're planning something, if you are going to try to get even with someone because of Jeff's attack? Marty, don't, all right? Please, as a friend, I'm asking you, don't do it."

Marty shook his head, "That's not it, but..." Marty looked off to the side, "I'd rather not explain. It's not like you think, Bill, it's not. I swear, I'm not planning on 'going after' anyone. I swear it. Now, did you get them?"

Bill rose from his desk, opened his safe, and took out a box. He put the box on his desk, then turned and walked back to the safe to shut it.

Marty looked at the box, shivered slightly, then picked-up the envelope before himself and said, "Can you take care of this for me? It's for Mrs. Randall. If something happens to me, would you see that she gets it?" He joined Bill by the safe, handing him the envelope.

Bill took it, looked at it. It was a sealed, thick white envelope, with 'Mrs. Anna Randall' written on the front in bold, cursive strokes. Bill recognised it as Marty's handwriting. He took the envelope, and put it in the safe, "Sure, Marty. That's not a problem. What is it?"

Marty shook his head, "It's private. It's for Mrs. Randall, and..." Marty grabbed Bill's arm, "Don't tell Jeff. Please, don't let him know I gave you that. And don't open it or read it, Bill. Please." Marty looked into Bill's eyes, pleading with him. "If our friendship means anything to you. Don't read what's in that envelope; just give it to mum, I mean, Mrs. Randall, if something does happen to me."

Bill looked at Marty, searching his eyes, and nodded. "All right, Marty, all right."

Marty returned to the desk, and opened the box that sat there. Inside were two semi-automatic hand guns and a box of ammunition, Marty nodded grimly, then closed the box. "Thank you, Bill. You don't know what this means."

Bill approached Marty, and grabbed his upper arm. "Marty, don't do anything... stupid, all right? I wish you would tell me what is going on. I wish you'd trust me. Maybe I can help."

Marty shook his head. "I'm sorry. I am... it's... I promised Jeff, and..." Marty trailed off, then said, "Bill, you **are** a friend, a good friend. And I want you to know - I appreciate everything you've done. Everything you've done for me, and for Jeff."

Bill nodded, searching Marty's eyes. "Are you absolutely sure you can't tell me what all this is about?"

Marty shook his head, picked up the box, and turned on his heel, heading for the door. Before reaching the door, he turned back and said, "Thanks, again, Bill. Thanks for everything." Then he opened the door, and walked out.

Bill shut his safe door, returned to his desk, and sat down, shaking his head, as he stared at the door Marty had exited through.

* * *

**The next day**

Marty sat in the car with Jeff, in the car park, outside Bill's office building. He looked at Jeff seriously, then said, "I've made the arrangements, Jeff. And I've settled our affairs. Discretely, of course."

Jeff nodded, then said, softly, "You have my final will, Marty?"

Marty nodded, took an envelope from his pocket, and quietly handed it to Jeff.

Jeff took the envelope, hastily skimmed through it, then signed it. "Take it to Bill. I'll wait here."

Marty looked at Jeff, then said, "Come with me."

Jeff looked at Marty, "Marty, we've made an agreement. I'm not... I won't break that. I'll be all right on me own."

Marty nodded, then extended his hand to Jeff, grasping Jeff's hand, "I know, I know, but... Jeff, please, come with me. We only need to drop it off. Bill might not even be there, we can give it to his secretary. But I don't want to do this alone, Jeff. I don't."

Jeff nodded, then opened the car door.

The two left the car, carefully crossed the street, and entered the tall stone and glass building that held their solicitor's office. Both men were quiet and reflective in the lift on the way up to the office. They left the lift, walked to the office and entered.

Marty smiled softly at the secretary at the desk outside Bill's office, "Hello, we're here to drop off some papers."

The secretary nodded, "I've been expecting you, Mr. Hopkirk. Bill is in court, but he told me you were coming." She nodded at Mr. Randall, "And you are Mr. Randall?"

Jeff nodded, then walked to the desk, handing her the envelope.

The secretary opened it, checked through the papers, then verified the will was signed. "Well, that's it. Everything is in order. Have a nice day."

Jeff looked at her, nodded, then said, "Goodbye," and turned around heading for the lift.

"Thanks," Marty said to the secretary, then he followed Jeff to the lift.

They exited the building, walked to the car, and Jeff got in. Once they were both in the car, Jeff turned to Marty, and said, "Did you get them? Everything is taken care of now, Marty, did you do what I asked?"

"Yes, Jeff. I did. I've got them. They're in the boot."

"They're in the boot? Two of them? Bullets? Everything is arranged?" Jeff asked.

Marty looked at Jeff, seriously, and answered, "Now that you've signed the papers, yes, everything is arranged, Jeff. Everything."

"All right, then, take me home."

Marty nodded, "Jeff - you still want to...? Are you sure? Jeff, once we are home... You haven't changed your mind, have you?"

"I haven't changed me mind, Marty. Tonight, if it's the same, then..." Jeff smiled a tight dark smile, "Marty, I thought you agreed with me about this?"

Marty took a deep breath, "Jeff, I do agree, I do, but... God, Jeff, it really hasn't been that long a time, not really."

Jeff turned to Marty, and put his hand on Marty's shoulder, _Marty, I know things aren't going to change, all right?_

_If you give it more time, maybe they will, Jeff._

_Marty - listen to me, please? I'm going to do it regardless. With or without you, I can't live with this pain, Marty. I don't know how you managed it for god, what is it now, eighteen years?_

_Yeah._

_But I don't have the strength, Marty. The worse part is not being able to be with you, that those bastards took that away from me, from us._

_It doesn't matter, Jeff._ Marty took Jeff's shoulders in his hands, then stared in his eyes, "Jeff, it doesn't matter. I LOVE YOU. Right now that means I'm willing to NOT be intimate with you. NOT if it hurts you. God, Jeff. If anyone could understand, it's me."

Jeff began to cry, "Marty, you've been so patient with me."

"Always, Jeff," Marty touched Jeff's face, "Always."

_Every time I close me eyes, though, Marty-- they are there, every time. When we've... tried, it's them, not you. It feels like it's them - every time we've tried having sex._ Jeff grabbed Marty's shoulders, "Marty, I can't handle wanting to be with you and then... not being with you. Do you understand me?"

"I understand, Jeff."

"We change into the tuxes, and then... end it, Marty, both of us. If you agree?"

Marty laid his hand on Jeff's shoulder. _I agree. Do you want to... Jeff, will you make love to me? One last time?_

_Yes. And you will make love to me. One last time. And if it's still... painful. If I still feel like... like it's them. Then, I'm going to do it, Marty._

_WE do it, Jeff. Absolutely. WE do it. Together, BOTH of us, Jeff._

_BOTH of us, Marty.

* * *

_

Marty led the way into the house, with Jeff following. He shut and locked the door behind Jeff.

"Jeff, do you want anything? Wine? Beer?"

Jeff nodded, "Yah, I think I do. Wine, Marty."

Marty nodded, then he began to cry. Jeff went to him then, and held him tight. "Marty, I..."

"No, Jeff, it's all right. It IS all right. I just... I know this will be our last time together, and..."

Jeff held Marty tight, then kissed his cheek, "It's going to be all right, Marty."

"Jeff... do you want me to put something IN the wine? Sedatives, or... I have... Jeff, I have poison - if you want it."

Jeff shook his head, "Just wine, Marty. That's all."

Marty nodded, "All right. Just wine. I'll bring it up - red or white?"

"Red."

Marty nodded. "I'll be upstairs in a bit."

"I'll be ready, Marty. I love you."

"I love you, Jeff."

A few minutes later, Marty walked into the bedroom, carrying two glasses of red wine. Jeff lay naked in the bed. Marty walked over and put the wine glasses on the bedside table, then slowly undressed, before lying in the bed next to Jeff. Jeff took the wine glass and sipped it. "Thank you, Marty."

Marty looked at Jeff, knowing Jeff was thanking him for more than the wine. "Jeff... I..."

Jeff put the wine down, "No, shush... no more talking. Doing. I want you to... Oral sex, Marty - we start with that. Take me!"

Marty nodded, then went down on Jeff. He took Jeff's penis in his mouth and licked and sucked, tears in his own eyes. Jeff's member lay flaccid in his mouth, and he continued, trying to make Jeff hard. Then he felt Jeff's mouth on his own penis and he gasped in pleasure.

_Oh, Jeff... yes! God, you are so good!_

_Marty, try for me, will you? Please. I want to... make me hard, then make me come, Marty. Please. I'm begging you._

_You don't need to beg, not ever._

They continued, Jeff with Marty in his mouth and Marty with Jeff. Jeff did get hard as Marty did, and gasped with enjoyment. Then Marty came. Seconds later, Jeff came.

Jeff spat then said, "That was good, Marty - it really was!"

Marty nodded. "It was good for me too, Jeff. Really good. Does this mean...?"

_Not if I can't enjoy anal sex, as well, Marty. That's been the stumbling block. If I can - then we don't need the guns. But if I can't... I have made my decision, Marty. And you can't change it._

_I won't. I swear. The arrangements are made. Jeff, I can't live without you._

_Right. Turn over, I'll make love to you first._

Marty moved on the bed, and grasped Jeff's penis. He stroked him with his hand, until Jeff was hard. "Make love to me, Jeff."

Jeff nodded. He oiled Marty's arse and himself, then entered him. Jeff made love to Marty, urgently. Then he changed to soft, gentle, loving strokes. Jeff cried as he made love and Marty cried to be made love to. Finally, Jeff came and slid out of his partner.

"Well?" asked Marty.

"It's... mechanical, Marty. I can do it, but I don't feel anything. Marty - make love to me, that is the real test."

Marty went to Jeff in the bed and kissed him, then gently touched his face, stroking the side of his face with his hand. _I love you, Jeff. I don't want to hurt you. I'd die first. And I mean that._

_I want you to, Marty. I need to know._

_All right._

Marty rubbed himself until he was hard, then oiled Jeff's arse. He gave Jeff a back massage, then oiled Jeff again and himself, emptying the small vial of scented oil, _I'm starting now, Jeff, _Marty slipped into his mate and started soft, gentle, slow strokes.

Jeff gasped and moaned beneath Marty.

_Do you want me to stop? Jeff - tell me to stop._

_Go on Marty, please._

Marty continued, flooding his partner with feelings of love.

Suddenly Jeff yelled, "Stop! Please stop! Don't do this!"

Marty pulled out, "Jeff?"

"Oh god, Marty," Jeff began to cry.

"What is it? What happened?"

"I... it felt like... I..."

"You thought I was them, didn't you?"

Jeff nodded.

"You can't enjoy sex from me?"

"No. I can't. God, Marty - kill me. Please. End this torture."

"Together, Jeff. We do it together." Marty reached out and grasped Jeff's hand.

_Together. Shower first, then change?_

_Yah, Jeff. Shower first, then change. Jeff, can we shower together? Because I... I don't want to leave you._

_Yah, we can do that. Marty I'm so sorry. But I..._

_I know, Jeff. I love you._

_I love you. Let's get in the shower._

Jeff slid off the bed and walked to the bathroom. Marty followed him, the empty vial in his hand. He calmly dropped it in the rubbish bin.

"You cleaned in here?" asked Jeff.

"Yah, of course. You were taken into hospital over a week ago, Don't you remember?"

"Actually, no, Marty. All of that is very, very fuzzy. It... doesn't seem that long, since I..."

Marty went to Jeff, and kissed his shoulder, "I cleaned it up, Jeff, your... your blood. Do you have any idea what it did to me, though?"

Jeff shook his head, "Not really. But I am sorry I put you through that. I am. I should have said something, instead. Told you what I was feeling."

"It's okay, Jeff. It is... well, I mean, it wasn't okay that you slit your wrists. But it's okay that..."

"That this is the last time we will share a shower? Or anything else?"

"Yah, Jeff. That is exactly what I was thinking. Because I can't live without you, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, then smiled grimly. Jeff turned on the water and tested the temperature, then the two got into the shower. Marty took their shower gel, spread it on a bath sponge, and began washing Jeff. Jeff stood in the shower and let Marty wash him, then rinsed off. Then Jeff held out his hand, and Marty handed him the sponge. Jeff added more gel, then washed Marty. His hands lingered on Marty's body, and Marty cried quietly, glad the shower meant Jeff couldn't see his tears, as the water rinsed away the lather.

"Shampoo?" asked Jeff.

Marty shook his head. "If you are ready, let's get out of here."

Jeff nodded. "I'm ready."

Marty understood all that Jeff meant by that, and turned off the water, then the two stepped out of the shower and dried off with warm, fuzzy towels.

Both returned to the bedroom, Marty walked over to their double closet. "What do you think?"

"The tuxes - from our ceremony. If that's all right with you."

Marty nodded. "Tuxes it is, then."

Then changed into the black formal tuxedos. Jeff helped Marty with his bowtie, and Marty helped Jeff. Finally they were ready and left the house. Marty led the way to the car, then opened the boot.

Jeff saw the box in the boot. "Is that them?" he asked.

"Two semi-automatics, Jeff."

"Semi-automatics?"

"Actually, they were easier to get than revolvers. Those are getting collectible."

Jeff nodded. "Thank you. Thank you for arranging this, Marty."

Marty nodded, slamming shut the boot. "Are you absolutely sure, Jeff? You can't change this decision. Once we pull the triggers, that is IT, Jeff, " Marty looked deep into his partner's soft brown eyes.

"I know that, Marty," Jeff said very quietly, then he added, "Do YOU have doubts, Marty? Second thoughts?"

"No. If you want to do this. So do I."

"Okay, then," Jeff nodded, sharply, once.

Marty returned the gesture, "Okay then. I'll drive."

Marty walked to the passenger side of the car, and held open the door. He helped Jeff into the car, shut the door, then walked to the drivers side and got in. "Where are we going?"

"Marty, do you remember? That gazebo in the riverside park, we... we were together there on our anniversary, last year? It's secluded, quiet, restful. No one will disturb us."

Marty nodded, "I remember, Jeff," then put the key in the ignition, put the car in gear, and drove the car off to the park.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Chapter 5

**"Because I Love Him"**

**by Olivia Sutton**

**"Snapshots" Universe**

**Part 5 of 6**

Marty pulled into the car park for the small riverside park. He turned off the car, then turned in the seat and looked at Jeff. Jeff 's face was determined. Marty sighed, then got out of the car.

Marty went to the boot, opened it, took out the box, and slammed close the boot. He took the box to Jeff.

Jeff was sitting in the car, then he got out. "Over there, Marty. The gazebo."

Marty nodded. He sat the box on the now vacant passenger seat, and opened it. He lifted out the two guns, handing one to Jeff.

"Are they loaded?" Jeff asked.

"Yes," Marty answered. He turned, then showed Jeff, "That's the safety catch. You slid it back when you're going to shoot."

Jeff nodded, then placed the gun to his own temple.

"NO! Wait! Jeff, it's better," Marty took his own gun, and put in his mouth, then took it out again. He grasped Jeff's arm, "That is BETTER, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, moving the gun from his head, and putting it at his side. Marty nodded, took his gun and put it at his side as well. Marty locked the car, then pocketed the keys. They walked over to the gazebo. Marty peaked inside, it was empty. He walked in and fell to his knees on the sandy dirt floor, Jeff fell to his knees before him.

_Jeff, one other thing. One LAST thing._

_What?_

_I want you to put your gun in my mouth. I'll put mine in yours. Then we fire together._

Jeff thought for a moment, "But that's murder, Marty."

"Only technically, Jeff." _Please it's what I want._

_You want to kill me?_

_NO! I want you to kill me, Jeff. That's what I want. Your hand firing the gun that ends my life. My LOVER doing this for me, Jeff. And I'm willing to take your life for you, in return - I've thought about it, and it is what I want._

_I agree, Marty._

_I thought you would._

_And I think I understand why, too, Marty. I really think that I do._

_I knew you would. And this is better, Jeff. It is. _Marty put an arm around Jeff and held him close. Jeff put an arm around Marty and held him close. Marty brought his gun up, and disengaged the safety. Jeff took it in his mouth. Jeff brought up his gun.

_I slide it back? Towards me?_

_Yes, Jeff._

Jeff disengaged the safety catch. Marty took the gun in his mouth.

_Count of three and then say do it and fire._

_I got it, Marty._

_Jeff - one last time, one final time. Are you absolutely sure? Completely? Maybe with further therapy you'll be all right?_

_I'm sure, Marty. Therapy isn't working. I died... I died the night those bastards gang-raped me, Marty. This is just... it's turning off the switch, unplugging the machinery._

_I understand._

_Are you sure you want this?_ Asked Jeff.

_I can't live without you, Jeff. I'm sure. I am positive this is what I want. I love you, Jeff._

_I love you, Marty._

_ONE_, thought Marty.

_TWO_, thought Jeff.

_Three_, thought Marty.

_WAIT!_ screamed Jeff.

Marty stopped, pulling his gun from his partner's mouth. _Jeff? You've changed your mind?_

Jeff pulled his gun from Marty's mouth, and set it on the ground, dropping it. "I can't do it, Marty. I can't kill you. I simply can't"

"How about yourself, Jeff?" Marty asked, fingering the gun in his hand to engage the safety. "Jeff, have you changed your mind? Do you want to kill yourself now?" He asked, looking at Jeff, searching his eyes for the truth.

"No." Jeff touched Marty's shoulders, "No, I don't. Not if it means that you'd... die, Marty."

_Jeff, swear to me. Swear to me right now, that you aren't going to kill yourself. That you won't sneak off behind my back and do it, Jeff. Because so help me, if you do, I will kill myself. That I swear to you, Jeff._

Jeff reached up, stroking Marty's face, "I swear to you, Marty, I absolutely swear it-- I'm not going to kill myself. I'll... I will learn to live with what happened, Marty. Somehow."

Marty dropped his gun to the ground, then pulled Jeff into a tight hug. Jeff began sobbing, and Marty ran his hands up and down Jeff's back, comforting him, tears of relief in his own eyes. _Jeff, it will get better. I swear to you. It will. It did for me, eventually I lived through it. I made it through everything, Jeff, and so will you. I love you, Jeff._

Jeff swallowed his tears, _I'll make it through, Marty. I will. But I don't know yet, HOW I'll make it through. The counseling really isn't working._

_We'll find you someone else, Jeff. And... Jeff, don't worry so much about not being intimate with me. It's all right that you aren't._

_Don't you want me after what happened?_

_Of course I do, of course I do. But I would never hurt you. I will NEVER ever hurt you, Jeff. Give yourself time, okay? Please, Jeff - I love you, give yourself time to learn to live with what happened._ Marty took Jeff's shoulders and held him, so they could see each others faces. Marty had tears in his own blue eyes, as he stared into Jeff's tear-filled dark brown eyes. "Jeff - this was very close, almost too close, do you realise that?"

Jeff nodded, sniffing back his tears, "Yah, Marty. I know."

"I love you, Jeff. Never, ever again-- NEVER, Do you hear me?"

Jeff nodded, shivering under Marty's grip on his shoulders, "I swear it, Marty. I have changed me mind. I'm not going to kill myself, because I know I'd be killing you. And I can NOT do that. I swear, Marty. I simply can't and I won't. I love you." Jeff touched Marty's face, petting his hair.

"Let's get the hell out of here, Jeff. Let's go home," Marty knelt, picking up the guns, checking that both had the safety engaged, then with one hand around Jeff's shoulders, he steered him to the car. Marty placed the guns back in the box, and lifted it onto the roof of the car. Then he held the passenger side door open for Jeff.

Jeff sat down. "What are you going to do with them?"

"For now, put them in the boot. Later on, the office safe. But eventually, give them back to the person I got them from."

"Marty - you **borrowed** two handguns from somebody?"

"Didn't have a whole lot of notice, Jeff. So - yeah, I did."

"Who?"

"That would be telling."

"Marty, Come on. I'm not going to try and get them back. Now who?"

Marty sighed, then stooped down to look at Jeff, "Bill, all right? I got them from Bill."

"Bill? Jesus, Marty, did you tell him what they were for?"

"No, just that... that we needed protection. I lied, obviously. I mean - I arranged everything in case we... well, let's put it this way... if anything ever happens to either of us, everything is very neatly planned out. I told you that, Jeff."

Jeff nodded, "So... Bill would have sussed it? I mean, you wanted it to look like murder, but he would have sussed it?"

"Eventually. Yeah, I think, he would have," Marty answered, looking at Jeff.

"Would he have told me mum?"

"I don't know. I hoped that he wouldn't."

Jeff nodded, putting his hands to his face, "Put them in the boot."

Marty nodded, checked that the guns were safely in the box, closed it, and put the box in the boot. Whilst the boot was still open, Marty collapsed to his knees next to it and began sobbing.

Jeff sat in the car, then noticed that Marty hadn't joined him. He opened the car door and went around to the rear of the car, Marty sat in a heap on the ground next to the car boot.

Jeff walked up to Marty and gently touched his shoulder, Marty jumped, then looked up at Jeff, he took a deep breath and tried to control his tears.

Jeff knelt down next to Marty, "Marty? Marty, are you all right?"

Marty slowly shook his head, "No, but I will be. Never, ever, again, Jeff. Please, don't ever do something like this to me again. I..."

Jeff sat next to Marty, then gently pulled him into a hug, "I'm sorry."

Marty relaxed in Jeff's arms, then turned his head towards Jeff. Jeff responded by lightly kissing Marty, then hugging him tight.

Jeff stroked Marty's hair, "I really am sorry, Marty."

Marty took a deep breath and then said, "Jeff, you are all right, that's all that matters now. Please don't be sorry," he reached over and lightly touched Jeff's face, "Don't be sorry that you're still here, Jeff."

Jeff began shaking, "I'm not. I'm sorry that I put you through hell, Marty."

"You didn't," Marty answered.

Jeff nodded, "I did. I wasn't thinking of you, not really. Except that in a way it felt," Jeff paused, "Reassuring, that I would have a companion for my death."

Marty looked at him, "Jeff, you have changed your mind, haven't you? You aren't still thinking about arranging your own death? Please promise me that..."

Jeff cut Marty off, putting a hand to his lips, then he held Marty's shoulders tightly, and looked him straight in the eye, "I swear to you, Marty. I really mean it. I know it's hard for you to understand, but I have changed my mind. I have, Marty. You don't need to worry."

Marty reached out, and touched Jeff's temple, then stroked his hair, "I'll always worry about you, Jeff. I love you."

Jeff nodded, "I love you, Marty. And right now, I really would like to go home. I... I'm exhausted for one thing. And I want to get out of here for another... this place already has ghosts, if you understand me?"

Marty nodded, "Yah."

Jeff helped Marty to stand, then walked around the car and got in on the passenger side.

Marty slammed shut the car boot, walked around the car, opened the driver's side door, and got in.

Jeff turned to Marty once they were both in the car, "Marty, I need to ask you something."

"What's that, Jeff?" Marty asked, turning towards Jeff in the car.

"What would you have done if I hadn't changed my mind? What would you have done if I'd fired instead?"

Marty looked right at Jeff and answered without skipping a beat, "Well, that's easy, AND obvious, Jeff. I would have died. In fact, both of us would have. I swear to you, Jeff. If you had been that determined. Then I would have died. Plain and simple. Your mum would have buried us, and Bill would have all the instructions for that. The End, you know? That would have been it."

Jeff shuddered, then nodded. "You love me that much?"

"Yes, Jeff, I do. Now, are you ready to go home?"

Jeff nodded, again, mutely.

Marty put his key in the ignition of the car, and turned it over, pulling out to take them both home.

* * *

Marty pulled the car into the driveway next to their house, turned off the engine, then sat back in the seat, "Jeff?"

Jeff shook himself awake, "I'm all right, Marty," he looked about, "We're home. I must have dozed off in the car."

"You were sound asleep, Jeff. I don't think I've seen you sleep that soundly in two months."

"Yah, well, I had other things on my mind."

Marty looked at him, then touched his shoulder, "Jeff - Jeff, you **have** changed your mind, haven't you?"

Jeff put a hand over Marty's, "Yeah. I have. This time I have, Marty. For you, I'm going to learn, well, to try to learn how to cope with it. Okay, Marty? Please, I need you to trust me."

Marty looked deep in Jeff's eyes, and saw a glint of life there - where it had been gone for some time, "I do trust you, Jeff. I do. And I love you," Marty moved forward towards Jeff in the car, "Is it alright?"

Jeff met Marty halfway, and the two kissed. Jeff cautiously deepened the kiss, and Marty responded, hungrily. Marty put his arms around Jeff, holding him tightly. Jeff put his hands to Marty's face, and then kissed him some more. Finally, Marty broke the kiss. "I think we should go inside."

"Yah, we should," Jeff answered. With a hand on Marty's shoulder, Jeff said, "I love you, Marty," then he got out of the car.

Marty nodded to himself, then followed Jeff back into their house.

* * *

A few days later, Marty walked in Bill Smith's office, the box under his arm.

"Hi, Marty," said Bill Smith.

Marty smiled, then put the box on Bill's desk.

Bill opened it, checked the contents, then went to his wall safe and opened it. "Marty, What was all this about?" he asked casually.

Marty looked behind him, checking that the door to the office was tightly closed, then answered "What do you mean?"

Bill took the box, and put it back in the wall safe, "C'mon Marty, I know you better than that. You told me you needed weapons, you **implied **you and Jeff were having some trouble, and you wanted to be prepared to look after Jeff. Now, here it is, a few days later, and you're bringing them back. Come on, tell me."

"As long as you have the safe open, I need that letter back. The one for Mrs. Anna Randall?"

Bill took the letter out, then closed the safe. He handed it to Marty.

Marty smiled, his eyes burning with tears, then took the letter and slipped it in his coat pocket.

Bill looked at Marty's expression, then walked in front of his desk and sat on the edge, "Marty, What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Marty said, tears coming to his eyes, "Nothing, now. It's fine. He's all right, and..." Marty began to cry.

Bill looked at Marty with even more concern, "Tell me. What happened? What **almost** happened? I've known you and Jeff, for years, we're friends. Or at least I thought we were. Now, what are you on about, Marty. Tell me! I can help."

Marty looked at Bill, then said, "It goes no further than this room. You can't tell ANYONE, Bill."

"I swear, Marty. I only want to help."

Marty nodded, then got up and began to pace before the desk, taking a deep breath, he said, "Jeff tried to kill himself. Just over a week ago. And... And when he woke up in hospital he swore to me he'd do it again. He was so determined."

"What? Why?"

"Because of his attack. Bill, it... it changed him, he spiralled into... into the deepest, darkest depression. He wasn't the same man anymore. And he became fixated on the idea of ending his own life." Marty took another deep breath, then collapsed into a chair, "So I... God, Bill, I played along with it, played into his... his fixation with death. I swore to him that if he was going to die, so would I. We'd both... die. I began taking care of things, planning things, making arrangements, finalising everything."

"God, Marty, what are you telling me?"

Marty looked right into Bill's eyes, "I'm telling you that those guns were for us. Us both. If Jeff was going to... to kill himself, then I wasn't going to survive him. All the arrangements I made, had a purpose."

Bill paled, "What... What did you do? Obviously you're still alive. So is Jeff. What changed?"

"It got down to the wire. And he was still determined. So I... I played the last card I had. I told him, made him... I arranged it so we'd both die, but... I'd shoot him though the mouth and he'd shoot me, through the mouth, we'd blow each other's brains out. **No chance of either of us surviving.** That was the plan. I asked him over and over, 'Are you sure?' at every step, every instance that we'd planned out, and he keep telling me he was. At the last second... god, we'd counted to three, at the last second he said "WAIT" not "do it". So we both survived. And he will never do it again. He's snapped out of his depression. He's my Jeff again."

"God, Marty. Risky, wasn't it?"

"No... for me there was no risk. Not really. Either he'd pull the trigger and we'd both be dead. Or he'd really change his mind. That he's completely snapped out of his depression is a bonus. Actually, kneeling there, with Jeff in my arms, knowing I was probably seconds from my own death. Bill, it was very, very calming. Seductive. I'm glad we have another chance, and I love Jeff so much... But I don't think I will ever forget how seductive that felt."

"Jesus, Marty."

"I'm telling you, Bill. There was no risk for me. For me it was win-win - either Jeff would do it, and I'd die; and thus not care anymore - or he wouldn't, and I'd have him back. It was the best solution I could come up with. Nothing else worked with Jeff - not counseling, not threats, not ignoring him, not giving him attention. It may have been a drastic solution, but it bloody worked."

Bill nodded, "What was in that letter, Marty?"

Marty smiled, "Probably not what you would think. It's... it's a bit of everything. An explanation for Jeff's mum. She didn't know about his attempt either." Marty held up the letter, then carefully put it in his pocket, "This told her that. I told her... explained, how Jeff had... changed. I told Mrs. Randall, how much I loved her son, and that I loved her as well - she did raise me, Bill. Then I told her, goodbye. That I wouldn't out-live Jeff. It outlines everything, from the time of Jeff's attack, forward."

"Marty, remind me to never play chess with you? How did you... how could you manoeuvre everything like that."

"I did it, because I love him."

Bill nodded. "Go, go home to Jeff. I won't tell a soul. I won't tell anyone, even if something **does** happen to one of you, and hopefully that won't be anytime soon. Go on, Marty. I think he needs you - and you need him."

Marty nodded, "Thanks for listening, Bill. I did... I **needed** to talk about it. It wasn't exactly easy for me, manoeuvring things, coming up with something that would work. But I had to do it. Goodbye, Bill." Marty stood up and started to walk towards the office door.

"Bye, Marty," Bill answered, staring at Marty in shock, "Hey, Marty, wait."

Marty turned, and looked at Bill.

Bill took a deep breath and said, "I want you to know something. I'm... I'm jealous, Marty." Bill raised his hands up, "And before you get the wrong idea, I'm happily married to Gina. I mean, I'm jealous of your relationship with Jeff. I wish Gina looked at me the way Jeff looks at you. I wish I could, do something even close to what you did for Jeff, for Gina. I mean, Marty, the two of you have the closest relationship, I have ever seen, do you know how lucky you are?"

Marty nodded, "Yah, I do know, Bill. Believe me, I've always felt, grateful, to have found Jeff, to have him in my life." Marty looked at his watch, "It's after five, I need to get home to him. Bye, Bill."

Bill nodded, then sat again, "Bye, Marty."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	6. Chapter 6

**"Because I Love Him"**

**by Olivia Sutton**

**"Snapshots" Universe**

**Part 6 of 6**

Marty threw open the door to their house, kicking off his shoes, "Jeff, I'm home!" When there wasn't an immediate answer, Marty screamed, "Jeff? JEFF!" and started to run towards the stairs.

Then Jeff came out from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish-towel, naked to the waist. "What, Marty? What is it? I was just in the kitchen, and..."

Jeff didn't finish his sentence as Marty turned, looked at Jeff standing there, then raced to him, lightly grabbing Jeff's arms, then he let go, "Jeff?"

Jeff looked at Marty in confusion, "Marty, What is it?" He dropped the dish towel and put his now dry hand to Marty's face, then pet his hair, "God, you're shaking. What's wrong, Marty? What is so wrong?"

"Nothing," at Jeff insistent look, Marty whispered, "Oh, all right. I... I had a flashback. When you didn't answer me, I..." Marty left off, then brought his hand to Jeff's face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have over-reacted like that."

Jeff looked deep into Marty's eyes, "I was in the kitchen. Cleaning, and doing the washing-up. The water was running. Marty..."

Marty carefully hugged Jeff, then kissed him. Jeff returned the kiss, deepening it, then broke off.

Marty began to mumble apologies, when Jeff put his hand to Marty's lips, and shushed him, then dragged him to the sofa, in the lounge. Jeff lay down on the couch, pulling Marty on top of himself, "Kiss me, Marty, kiss me like you mean it. **Really** kiss me."

Marty looked into Jeff's eyes, and felt a rush of love and passion at the smouldering lust in his partner's eyes. Marty covered Jeff's body with his own, and kissed Jeff's closed eyes, then his forehead, and his cheeks. Then he moved to Jeff's mouth, kissing him hard and passionately, putting his tongue in Jeff's mouth. Jeff pulled Marty closer, running his hands over Marty's clothed back and shoulders, kissing Marty passionately.

Marty came up for air, and Jeff took the opportunity to yell, "Yes! Yes, Marty. Take me, right here and now."

Marty nodded, kissed Jeff's lips again, then he took Jeff's arm in his own hand, kissing Jeff's shoulder, then down his arm. Marty turned over Jeff's arm, and licked the scar there, feeling Jeff's pulse, trying to erase memories in his mind of finding Jeff in the bathtub, not that long ago, then continued, kissing and licking Jeff's chest and belly. Marty slid down, taking his hands and undoing Jeff's trousers, he pushed them down Jeff's legs, and off and onto the floor.

"Yes, Marty, god, yes!"

Marty pushed down Jeff's pants and took his penis in his mouth, licking and sucking with all the passion in his soul. Jeff thrust into Marty's mouth, and flooded Marty with his own feelings of love. Marty continued, pleasuring Jeff, enjoying the feel of his lover's hardness in his mouth, and soaking up the flood of feelings of love from Jeff. Marty sent Jeff his own feelings of love and continued, until Jeff finally came. Marty swallowed, then turned on the couch, taking Jeff into his arms and kissing him.

Jeff looked deep into Marty's lust-filled blue eyes, _Upstairs. Upstairs now. I want... I want you, Marty. And I want to, I want to make love to you._

Marty nodded, getting up, then pulling Jeff up off the sofa. They went up to the bedroom, Jeff not even bothering to put his trousers or pants back on. In the bedroom, Jeff took off Marty's suitcoat, placing it on a chair in the bedroom, then took off Marty's loose tie and dropped it to the floor. Marty had unbuttoned his shirt, and Jeff eased it off and to the floor. Jeff undid Marty's belt, then his trousers, Marty tripped, falling onto the bed. Jeff giggled, then pulled off Marty's trousers, falling onto the bed on top of Marty. They rolled on the bed, and Jeff murmured, "There are times when I am glad you don't wear underwear, Marty."

Marty smiled, then kissed Jeff, "I love you, Jeff. I love you."

"I know," Jeff kissed Marty back. _I love you. Make love to me. Now. Make love to me now, Marty._

Marty pulled out of Jeff's embrace, "Are you sure, Jeff? Are you really sure? I don't want to..."

"...to hurt me. I know. Marty, I'm ready. I want this, and I need it, and I'm better, Marty, I am." Jeff put his hand on the side of Marty's forehead, taking his other hand to Marty's shoulder and pulled him closer, then he dropped all the barriers in his mind and sent, _Marty, what do you sense?_

Marty entered Jeff's mind, responding to the invitation, _What do you mean, what do I sense?_

_What do you sense? Marty, think, and feel. Feel my mind, Marty, what do you sense?_

Marty entered Jeff's mind more deeply, deeper than he normally did to allow simple transference of thoughts, then happiness flooded his soul and Jeff's like sunshine, _It's gone! The darkness, it's gone._

Marty pulled back a bit, and looked at Jeff, _The shadow over you, it's gone. And the darkness that was taking over your mind. It's just... it's not there, Jeff. Not at all, not even a tiny bit._

_I know, Marty. It's been gone... well, since... since I changed my mind. I wasn't sure at first, I thought it might come back, but it's gone. I'm free. _Jeff stroked Marty's face with his hand, then whispered in his ear, "I'm free of it, Marty. Free of that... darkness, depression I suppose it was, but I'm free. And I'm very much in love with you. Let me feel your love for me, enter me, make love to me, Marty. It's been... it's been so long. Please."

"Yah, I will, Jeff. You can't know how happy this makes me."

"I think I can know. I do. Marty - now would be nice."

Marty nodded, then pulled Jeff into a tight hug. Then he kissed him, entering his tongue into Jeff's mouth and exploring, then pulling out, and backing up a little on the bed to give Jeff space. Jeff rolled onto his stomach. Marty reached over to the nightstand, then realised their oil wasn't even there. "Damn! I forgot. Jeff, I'll be right back - there's lotion in the bathroom, for now, and we can..." Marty smiled, "We can go to the shops for oil later on, okay? Tonight, or tomorrow?"

Jeff smiled, tears of joy in his eyes, "Yeah, go, Marty. Get the lotion. And we can shop later," Jeff raised his eyebrows on the word, 'shop', giving Marty a very randy look.

_I'll be quick, Jeff!_ Marty sent back, getting out of bed and rushing to the bathroom. He returned, to find Jeff in bed, propping himself up on an elbow.

_Take me, Marty._

_Yah, I will. I love you, Jeff._

_I love you, Marty._

Marty moved to the bed, and Jeff lay on his stomach. Marty straddled him, then poured some hand lotion on Jeff's back, massaging his shoulders. Jeff groaned with pleasure. Marty moved his hands down, running them along Jeff's back, then added more lotion to his hands and rubbing Jeff's arse. He poured lotion on his hand, and rubbed it on Jeff, then took his hand and coated his own already aroused and hard penis. Marty flooded Jeff with feelings of love and trust, then entered him, taking his lover with gentle strokes.

Jeff moaned and flooded Marty with feelings of love, asking his lover to make love to him. Wanting more and more.

Marty complied with Jeff's every request, finally coming with an urgent yell, and collapsing, exhausted onto Jeff's back, before sliding out and moving to lie next to Jeff in the bed. Jeff lay exhausted next to Marty for a second, then turned, taking Marty into his arms and kissing him. _It WAS good, Marty._

Jeff straddled Marty and reached for the hand lotion on the bed, as Marty had for him, Jeff massaged Marty's shoulders, relaxing him, then massaged Marty's buttocks. _Marty, I want you to know. Thank you. Thank you for saving my life. I know... I think I know what you did, Marty, what your plan was. And I... I know that if I had... if I'd made a different decision, you would have died. Both of us would have. You would have sacrificed yourself for me. Marty..._ Jeff paused, then added, _Marty, I love you. And I'm better now, truly better. You know that, I let you feel it, gave you access to parts of myself where I could never lie, not that I would EVER lie to you, Marty. You are my lover, and my partner, and everything to me, **everything**, and now you've felt the deepest parts of my soul. _Jeff bent and kissed Marty's shoulder.

_Jeff, I do love you._

_I know, Marty, and I'm trying to let you know, that I love you. Now even more than ever. I am sorry, though, that I took us to the edge. But maybe I needed that._

_Make love to me, Jeff, and stop worrying, okay?_

_Okay. Love you._

Jeff spread lotion on Marty's arse, coated himself, then entered Marty. He made love to Marty, flooding him with feelings, bathing him with feelings of his love, trust, friendship. Passion filled Jeff's soul as he made love to Marty, yelling out his lover's name, and reflecting his feelings of passion back to Marty.

Marty cried with happiness as he felt Jeff's feelings, and he melted under Jeff's fire, "Yes, Jeff! God, yes! Take me!" he yelled, loving every minute of Jeff in his body.

Jeff continued with deep, loving, gentle strokes, enjoying everything he was doing. Finally, with a rush and a yell, he came, collapsing onto Marty's back, then rolling next to him in the bed. Jeff took Marty in his arms, holding Marty tight, wiping away Marty's tears with his hand. "You all right, Marty?"

"Yeah, finally. For the first time in two months."

Jeff nodded his understanding, moving closer.

"How about you?"

"Marty, I'm fine. I'm perfect at this moment. And in love with you."

"THAT I know, Jeff," Marty moved to Jeff, kissing him lightly, running his hands through Jeff's hair, "That I know."

Marty cuddled Jeff to him, then they both relaxed, falling into a deep, restful, calm sleep.

* * *

Marty awoke, and stretched, then jolted awake to sit up as he realised that Jeff was no longer besides him. "Jeff?" Marty said, sleepily.

Jeff stood near the chair in the bedroom, in his dressing gown, a letter in his hand, "Marty, What is this? It was in your suit coat pocket, and it's addressed to me mum."

Marty slid to the edge of the bed, sitting up, then got up and found his dressing gown, tying it around his waist, then he walked over to Jeff, and kissed his temple. "It's... Bill was holding it for me, Jeff. If... if we had gone through with it, he would have given that to your mother."

Jeff looked at Marty, then swallowed, "But what is it?"

Marty gently touched Jeff's face, then said, "It's... I had to write it, Jeff. I wanted, no, I needed to explain, and to say goodbye to your mum."

Jeff dropped the envelope, paling.

Marty bent and picked it up, "Read it Jeff, I want you to."

Jeff looked at Marty, then moved aside Marty's suitcoat, sitting in the chair in shocked silence. Marty stood next to Jeff, his hands on his partner's shoulders. Jeff opened the envelope, unfolded the letter, the reached up and grasped Marty's hand with one hand, whilst holding the paper in the other hand.

_**Dear Mrs. Randall - Mum**_, the letter began

_**If you are reading this, it means I failed. I couldn't protect Jeff and I couldn't change his mind. And it means I'm gone. Mrs. Randall - Mum, this is odd, very odd. Because if I can protect Jeff, or change his mind, then I will destroy this letter. But for now, I will leave it with Bill Smith, our solicitor, for you.**_

_**I love your son, Mrs. Randall. I always have, since we were boys. And I cannot imagine my life without him, so... I'm sorry, let me start, at the beginning.**_

_**Jeff, Jeff was attacked, Mrs. Randall. Well, you know about that. But you don't know what it did to him. It changed him. Made him morose, melancholy. He starting talking about his own death, and.., and we couldn't. We no longer had a physical relationship, because of what those bastards did to him. Well, you know that as well, but I love him, it didn't matter to me that... that Jeff didn't want, that he couldn't be intimate with me. But it bothered him. He missed the intimacy, even though, it was his own mind that made it impossible for us to be intimate, Mrs. Randall. And I want you to know, it didn't matter to me. I love him. I wanted to love him, to make love to him, but it hurt him so, and I would never, ever, ever hurt him. So the lack of a physical relationship...didn't matter to me. It didn't. And I did believe that in time, we would return to the level of intimacy we had always had, since we were sixteen, and... Just know I love him, I love your son, and ... nothing would ever change that.**_

**_Mrs. Randall, it's so hard to tell you this bit. I know Jeff wouldn't want you to know, but then, if your reading this, it doesn't matter what Jeff wants. Not in this. And you deserve the entire truth. What they did to him, it changed Jeff. He became suicidally depressed, and then. And then, Mrs. Randall - Mum, he attempted to... to kill himself. He slit his wrists, both of them, lengthwise, as you do if you're serious. I found him, got him to hospital, and he survived. But it was... It made me realise a few things, especially when he told me - he swore to me - he'd do it again. So we made a pact._**

"You told her! You told her that I..." Jeff let got of Marty's hand.

"Jeff, I know, I'm sorry. She still doesn't know, Jeff. She hasn't seen this letter. She would only have seen it, if, if we...were..." Marty took a deep breath.

"I know."

"I didn't know what the coppers would say to her, Jeff. I hoped they'd think, we'd been murdered, but I didn't know. If they told her it was suicide, I wanted her to understand why." Marty kissed Jeff.

"God, Marty." Jeff put a hand to Marty's face, then said, "But... I thought, I mean, with two guns, and shooting each other, I thought you wanted it to look like murder, Marty, I did."

Marty nodded, "But your mum deserved the whole truth."

"Oh, Marty." Jeff put a hand to Marty's face, touched him, then grasped his hand again, "Let me finish reading."

_**Mrs. Randall, I will do everything in my power to change his mind. Everything. Until the last second. But if I can't. If he is as determined to take his own life as he seems to be. Then. Well, I won't out-live him. I won't outlive your son, I love him too much. And I can't face life without Jeff. I've... I've gotten two guns for us, they are in the boot of my car as I write this. I have seen Bill and finalised things, made all the arrangements, as well. And, and I've decided that if Jeff wants to... to die, well then , so will I. But, please, please know that I will try to change his mind. I will try to stop him. Until the last second, I will make sure he really wants to do, what he's told me he wants to do. And I will try like hell to keep him alive, Mrs. Randall. If you are reading this, I failed. And for that, I am truly sorry. I love your son, Mrs. Randall. I love Jeff. And I love you for everything you've done, raising me, giving me, Jeff, everything. Goodbye.**_

_**All my love, Marty**_

Jeff looked at Marty, wiping tears from his eyes.

Marty took Jeff in his arms, pulling him out of the chair and into a hug, "It's all right, Jeff, it's all right. We're still here, I'm still here, Jeff." Marty kissed Jeff's temple, then his lips.

"Marty, this is more than an explanation that you left for me mum, it's a... it's a suicide note. It's YOUR suicide note, Marty."

"Is it? I suppose. I needed to say goodbye to your mum."

Jeff nodded. "You love me that much? And you really, you really couldn't go on without me?"

Marty nodded, kissing Jeff again.

"Marty, if something **did** happen to me, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, don't, all right? Please. You will need to go on. For me, Marty."

"I can't promise you that, Jeff. I can... I can promise that I will try, I will try to go on if... you got hit by a bus... or something, but I can't promise you. All that I can promise, is that I will try. All right?"

"Yah, no... I don't know, Marty, you... you told me, when I woke up, you told me that you would..." Jeff left off, grabbed Marty's hand, then sent an image of 14-year-old Marty with a gun in his hand.

Marty took a deep breath, knelt before the chair where Jeff sat, then put his hands on Jeff's shoulders, stared into his eyes and said, quietly, "Yah, I think I would, Jeff. I don't know if I... if I could possibly live without you. I don't think I could EVER be as close to someone as I am to you, and losing you would be like losing part of myself. No, it would be worse."

Jeff stared back at Marty's eyes, then began shaking, "Oh, god, Marty."

Marty took Jeff in his arms and held him, shushing him and comforting him.

Jeff gradually calmed, then said, "Don't. All right, Marty? For me, please don't. I'd want you to go on. I would."

Marty nodded, then murmured, "I'll keep that in mind, Jeff," then he put Jeff's hand on the side of his forehead, and put his own hand on the side of Jeff's forehead, then completely dropped his barriers, _Jeff, go deep, all right? Like you let me do earlier today, yesterday, whatever, go deep. I want you to._

Jeff nodded, gathering his thoughts, _All right. Are you sure? There's been times when I've sensed a barrier in you Marty, and I respected the privacy of that._

_Do it, Jeff. I want you to. Go ahead and sense my mind, and go deep. You let me do it, and I want you to understand me equally well, and to know me with no barriers. Go on_, Marty urged, with the image of a parent gently shooing a child away to school on his first day.

Jeff entered Marty's mind, sensing his thoughts and memories, then _There's darkness here, Marty._

_I know. Go on in and sense it. It's okay._

Jeff sent agreement, then probed deeper. He sensed images and Marty's feelings ... _Oh, Marty, your mum hit you? I mean, I..._

_There's more Jeff, go on, it's okay._

Jeff probed deeper, sensing Marty's feelings and images from his abuse and rape. Jeff pulled out, crying.

Marty took Jeff in his arms, "Listen, Jeff, listen to me. It's okay, I wanted you to know. Jeff, there is darkness in my soul, it's always been there, and probably always will be. But you are the sun in my sky, Jeff. Because of you, the darkness is... less now. It gets smaller and smaller, though the last few months have... been difficult."

"You have that darkness in your soul all the time, don't you, Marty?"

"Yah, but..."

Jeff looked at Marty, "How? How do you cope with it? Why is it there? I mean, I knew about... the abuse, and your assault, and... and I know it still affects you. But it doesn't seem like..." Jeff sent a quick image of 19-year-old Marty curled into a ball on their bed, "You seem so much better now."

Marty held Jeff tight, _I AM better now. Because of you. Because you are IN my life. Jeff, the darkness in my soul gets less and less, the more I'm with you. It was worse, Jeff. When I was fourteen it overwhelmed me. But it has gotten smaller over the years. And that's because of you. The more years I share with you, Jeff, the smaller it gets, the darkness has less of a hold on me. You bring sunshine into my life, Jeff._ Marty kissed Jeff's temple, and added, "You beat back the darkness. And you do it without any effort at all, simply by being you, simply by not having darkness in you. I do love you, Jeff."

Jeff kissed Marty's lips, gently, _That's why, isn't it? You can't promise me, because of the darkness in you, isn't that right?_

Marty nodded, and sent, _Uh-huh, yah, Jeff, that's why. I wish I could promise, but I can't, because I won't lie to you about something this important. I honestly do NOT know what I would do without you, Jeff. All I can say is that I would... I would try to go on, knowing that is what you would want._

Jeff nodded, kissed Marty, passionately, _It's okay. I understand. And I promise to be careful, to take care of myself, to be careful when we're working at our detective business. Marty, thank you for sharing yourself, your deeper self, with me._

Marty returned the kiss, and held Jeff tight. "Jeff, let's go back to bed."

Jeff nodded, leading Marty to the bed.

**The End**


End file.
